Kapitz Keepsakes

Letting Go of What?

2012-02-07T11:27:00.000-06:00

My awesome sister-in-law gave me a cd for Christmas that I love. It is Matt Hammitt Every Falling Tear and the whole cd makes me cry, but I love it. At the end of this post is the "video" of the song Let Go. You will be blessed by just sitting back and listening to it.

As many of you know, I am on a hard journey. Some days by God's grace I am very strong. But it would be deceiving for you to think that I have it all together. God IS good, which is why I can be broken before Him. I have been wronged. I have been sinned against. I am rightfully hurt. Other people have chosen to cause hurt to me and my family and are able to justify it to themselves because they are so blind to the truth. Some days I pray that God would have mercy on them, and other days I want lightening to plain old strike them down. Oh, sins will be revealed and truth shall prevail, praise God for that! But that doesn't take away the hurt. It doesn't take away my kids & I crying together and the reality of pain & confusion that exists. It doesn't make it ok. Some days all I can do is cry in fear & hurt, some days I am so incredibly angry, some days I'm numb, and other days I cry while resting in His arms. Which leaves one thing left to do. Let Go.

Let go of what? That's my question. Do I let go of my marriage as in give up on it? No, that's not what God is asking me to do. Continuing to pray for a restored marriage with the man God created my husband to be is a good thing. I've let go along the way of ways that I can fix it on my own, so that's not it; although that is an ongoing process! The frustrated feeling of just wanting to know what I'm suppose to let go of is too much to take some days! Do know how many times I've cried out "God just tell me already! I'll do whatever you want, just tell me!"? As many have pointed out, my blogging has almost taken on a sense of being prophetic. (Don't get all worked up. I'm not claiming to be a prophet or anything). When I blog something, within days, God makes me live out that my words are not just words, but truly the way I want to live. So even knowing that risk, I think I have my answer.

I need to truly let go of me & my plan. What I thought my life would be and how I think my life should be. I can't just let go of trying to fix things to fit my plan, I need to give up the whole plan all together! Guess what, what those people did to me was, and is, pure evil. It is the work of Satan in this fallen world. It messed up my plan for me and my kids & my life. There is a huge wake of hurt and consequences everywhere. But the glory of God is that he takes what Satan intended for evil and uses it for my good! But if I keep holding on to my stuff, I can't get to the good! And this song speaks to that. God knows so much more than I know. He knows the big picture, he can see whole quilt not just my one patch. He knows what I don't, because he knows everything about the past, present and the future. He knows every thought and every action and every everything. I'm not meant to know it but because I am a child of God I can rest on His promises to use it for my good. I can trust Him. While I hate everything about this whole situation, I have to trust that God is laying protection around me. He is using more evil actions & sin to protect me & my kids from whatever is coming down the pipe in the future. And I have no idea what that is, but I can confidently say that for me & my kids, it will be good. Our suffering will not be for nothing. And I can't let go all on my own, that is only by God's grace.

Father, please help me to let go of me. To stop being so self-righteous, arrogant & proud that I actually think I know better than you of what is good for my life. Give me faith to let go and surrender to your ways for your arms are the ones I want to be in. I do have more questions than answers right now. But what I really need impressed upon my heart is that You Father are good, and faithful, and strong, and right and able. I can let go because you are - who you are.

Don't forget to watch the video!

Awareness of the Story

2012-01-17T15:15:00.001-06:00

"If God is sovereign, then he is in control of all the details of my life. If he is loving, then he is going to be shaping the details of my life for my good. If he is all-wise, then he's not going to do everything I want because I don't know what I need. If he is patient, then he is going to take time to do all this. When we put all these things together-God's sovereignty, love, wisdom & patience- we have a divine story." from A Praying Life by Paul E. Miller

Anyone who has ever taken the time to talk to me throughout my journey knows how far I've come. I have learned to give up control and accept with my whole heart everything in that quote. I believe it. I am no where near the same person that I was. I was a bad wife, a messed up person, a horrible sinner because I didn't obey and submit to God. My life seemed normal to pretty much everyone around me. Behind closed doors, my life was a mess. I didn't trust God. I didn't believe he was loving or wise. I was in complete control of everything around me. I knew what I needed a whole lot more than God knew. I deserved to be happy because that's what God wants for us all - to live happy lives.

Wrong.

God doesn't want us to live happy lives. God wants us to live holy lives. This is not to imply that God doesn't want us to be happy. In fact, God faithfully bestows amazing blessings to His children. He even commands us to be joyful in all circumstances. God IS joy and happiness. I'm talking about a wordly sense. To keep in perspective of why He created us - for HIS glory, not for us to find happiness outside of Him. Looking back, my life wasn't happy and it sure wasn't holy. Do you know the only reason that I can look back and see that - because God saved me from it. He grabbed a hold of me, he opened my eyes and he freed me from it! God is so merciful and gracious that it makes me cry just thinking about it. He has so much more for my life than to live short of being the woman He created me to be! I was going to go through life never living the good life. I was missing out! Make no mistake about it. I'm no wounded bird crying in the corner. I am flying on eagles wings! "You yourselves have seen what I did to the Egyptians & how I bore you on eagles' wings & brought you to myself" Isaiah 19:4 No man can deny or steal the glory of God's life-saving work. God had mercy on me and revealed my desperate need for a savior and he brought me to him. That is God at work.

God works everything for HIS glory, not for my happiness. He is in complete control and HIS will be done. I have been called to trust in Jesus. And that is exactly what I am doing. I have given up control of my life. I have accepted that nothing happens that He doesn't allow so that He can use it for His glory. Even when it makes no sense to me. Even when others don't agree with me. I don't make decisions out of fear anymore. I make them after waiting at the feet of Jesus for His direction and leading.

Don't ever doubt for a second that I've given up on my marriage & my family. I have given up on MY ability to do it, on MY ability to save it. That's never going to work. I've submitted my life & the people in it, to God's authority and God's plan & God's timing. I'm fighting for it in the only way that I can...on my knees before the life-saving, life-changing, miracle-working Heavenly Father. I've turned it over to God and I am remaining on my knees for everything that matters to me on this earth. As a paraphrasing quote from Beth Moore says, "girlfriend, get on your knees and let God take it on. You just have to duck because one day He is coming!" or "You will not need to fight in this battle. Stand firm, hold your position, & see the salvation of the Lord on your behalf" 2 Chronicles 20:17a. I need a miracle, and I'm asking God for one. My hope is in the Father, the only one capable of performing miracles, and trust me, He performs them every day. I'm living proof of that.

By God's grace I'm standing firm and letting Him fight this battle with the ones that need to be fought with. And God is sovereign, God is loving, God is wise and God is patient. God is very much working at weaving together a divine story. I'm finally aware to the truth that it is God's story. And that, is God at work.

The Lord Has Been Good To Me!

2011-12-19T15:21:00.000-06:00

What has 2011 brought into my life? By worldly standards I have a "right" to say this year has been horrible. I've "earned the right" to feel abandoned, betrayed, hatred, bitterness, self-righteous, vengeful, hurt, and so on. And the events of my life these past 19 months have brought me through many of those feelings. I've been hurt very deeply. Things hurt inside that I never knew existed, in a way that I never knew was possible. The literal ripping apart of my life could have robbed me of my life. I don't know if I can say that I have had even one easy day this year.

But I have the gift of being a child of God. And that means that I do not use those other words to describe 2011. Instead, some of the words I use are: joy, freedom, blessings, peace & comfort.

I have learned that all I need is God. He is my redeemer, my defender, my supplier, my refuge, my strength, my unfailing, ever faithful Savior. God has lovingly torn away everything in my life that was above Him. Leaving me broken, ashamed and desperate for the only thing that can give true life - God himself. I went down paths that were desperate attempts to maintain control of something, anything. I have wrestled with God over big things and little things and everything in between. I have always considered myself a Christian. I have always believed in God. But this year I learned what it really means to know God instead of just knowing about God. God called me into a genuine relationship with Him and there could never be a greater gift. There is a huge difference between knowing about God and being a follower of the One True God. It's a difference that you don't realize until you've experienced it. People who don't know it, don't get it. Once you truly submit your life to God and His will, your life will change in dramatic ways. It is the process of God making all things new.

I love my husband dearly and I desire to have a loving relationship and marriage with him, as God intended, with HIM as the foundation. But God has set me free! I am free from needing any man to make me ok. No man can determine my worth, my love, nor define me in any way. I am defined by God alone. I am made whole in God alone. I am finally free to love my husband as God intended. If God's plan includes raising my marriage from the dead and restoring it to His glory, I will remain free from the bondage and receiving the blessing that can come from the Almighty God alone.

God has showered me with blessings and answered prayers. Everywhere I look I see an answer to prayer. I am 100% dependent on God for everything in my life. I literally live day to day not knowing how things might go. But I am confident in God's faithfulness. He has transformed me to live Ps. 112:6-8 "For the righteousness will never be moved; he will be remembered forever. He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord. His heart is steady; he will not be afraid, until he looks in triumph on his adversaries." I have absolutely no idea what 2012 will bring for me and my family. I have no clue what will happen. But I'm not afraid. I am at peace because I have God's comfort. I can be certain it won't be easy, but it will be glorifying to God. God will carry me. God is faithful. God will provide. God will be my strength.

I am finally finding joy because God is joy. Rejoice! Rejoice! And through it all, The Lord has been so good to me!

Thankful Tree

2011-11-23T15:09:00.001-06:00

This is our Thankful tree. For the past couple of weeks, every day, the kids & I would each write something that we were thankful for and hang it from the tree branches. It was a great project that we loved doing. The things ranged from the Packers, to Chloe's imaginary friend Tasha, to heartfelt things like mommy & daddy and Jesus. And it made a great centerpiece for my table! I loved talking about what we're thankful for and praising God for those things!

What am I thankful for? I am thankful for Jesus Christ coming and living a sinless life and then being crucified for my sins so that I might be able come to his Father. And that he didn't just die on the cross for my sins, but that he was raised and lives today so that I might have a relationship with him.

Am I thankful for other things, like my husband, my kids, my family, my house, etc, etc, etc...? Of course I am! But without Him, nothing else matters. Without Him, every other good and perfect thing is nothing. Because "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above..." James 1:17.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

But I'm a Good Person!

2011-11-11T14:09:00.001-06:00

What a huge lie that so many of us, including myself, fall for! I am not trying to call people out, I really am reflecting this on myself. Saying that I really am a good person is just a rationalization to try and justify my sins. And one day, I will stand before the Lord and all of those rationalizations will be stripped away and I will have to face who I really am, just like you will. By the nature of the fall, we are all born evil, wicked people. If we weren't - we wouldn't need a Savior. No matter how good of a person I try to be, the truth is that my heart is wicked. Jeremiah 17:9-10 "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? I the LORD search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds." My need for my Savior is great. Anyone who is not in a relationship with Christ Jesus should be scared for their life! Matthew 10:28 "And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell". Fear the Lord people! We all need his saving grace, Romans 3:23 "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God"

My need for my Savior is being revealed to me more and more each day. There are so many things that run so deep in me. There are so many things that I cling to make me ok. Just to name a few... my self-reliance, controlling tendencies, pride, arrogance, my husband, just plain old thinking that I'm a good person - I can do this! I, mine, myself, me, me and more me! God has been having me on a slow journey of literally ripping out all of these idols. But it's so hard because I want to accomplish them, instead of surrendering to letting God accomplish them in me. Romans 7:18-19 "For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not to the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing." I'm not just talking about the big, blatant, obvious to the world sins. I'm talking about what I like to think of as small ones. All of the ones I listed above point to my rebellion against God. My disbelief, my unwillingness to trust Him, my characterizations of who He is verses who I am! He is the potter; I am merely the clay. Because God is merciful, He is revealing to me how deeply ingrained my sinful nature really is. How deceitful my heart really is. And I keep trying to fix it, instead of sitting in His grace and letting Him change me.

So shouldn't I be depressed? Curled up in ball thinking there is no hope? NO! That is the reason why Jesus came for me, and for you! I am a saint and child of God which means all of those sins are covered in His blood! HE is righteous! Romans 3:24-26 "...through the redemption that is Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God's righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he has passed over former sins. It was to show his righteousness at the present time, so that he might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus." You have to believe in God and you have to repent and turn from your sins if you ever want to change. I have to surrender everything to Him. I rejoice in His free gift that saves my soul from being cast into hell! I rejoice that He has mercy on me and continues to grow me in so many ways, even though they are so painful! Those blind to who God is, they don't get it. Their hearts are hard, their minds are closed and their eyes are shut. I pray desperately for God to have mercy on them by revealing who He is to them! I am not a good person, and honestly, neither are you. We all need Jesus our only Savior. I have him. Do you?

Living by Faith

2011-10-25T15:29:00.003-05:00

1 Thessalonians 5:16-24 "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit. Do not despise prophecies, but test everything; hold fast what is good. Abstain from every form of evil. Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit & soul & body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it."

"When I'm living by faith, I will win. When I'm living by sight, I will lose."

Faith: believing the word of God and acting upon it no matter how I feel because God promises a good result. Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, for the conviction of things not seen (Hebrews 11:1)

I have been feeling a little bit like Abraham in Genesis. God has placed a call on my life. A call that requires me to put one foot in front of the other every day, when I have no idea where it will take me. A call to have faith in things that are unseen and unknown. I have no idea where I am going or where I will end up- but I can promise you that I have a future & a hope that will be radiating with God's glory (Jer.29:11). If I would choose to live by what I can see - I would have little hope. If I choose to listen to the world around me giving me excuses and rationalizations - I would have little hope. Rationalizations are Satan's tool to prevent me from being repentant and obedient to God. If I ever say a "yeah, but..." then I need to take a good, long, hard look at what I'm trying to justify; there is always a spirit of rebellion and sin underneath every "yeah, but..." If I choose the way of sight - I lose.

When I choose to live by faith I will win. That does not mean that everything will turn out exactly the way I want, in the timing that I want. But God will be victorious not only in my life, but over the entire world and every person in it. Faith allows me to have hope not in the people or things of this earth, but hope in the one, true, Almighty living God who reigns over all. I have a new assurance of faith and hope. No matter what, my life will go on because my life is based on living for the glory of God, not any man. While I am continuing to pray without ceasing in this intense spiritual battle for the soul of the man I love, I will also continue to rejoice, and be gratefully content in where God has placed me in this season of life. And I have faith that God will bless my obedience by filling me with his peace. WHAT A SENSE OF FREEDOM! I am stronger than ever before because "it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me" (Gal.2:20).

And you know what else - are you sitting down? I can honestly say, while this year has been the hardest of my life - it has been the one I am most grateful for. Am I happy with the sins being committed against me? Am I happy with the sins I have committed? NO! God tells us to hate sin! But I am grateful that God has granted me - and Jon - the opportunity to have a marriage that before, we were not on the track to ever have. We were missing out on the amazing gift of marriage the way that God had created it to be. We would still be sitting in a mess and that would have been horrible. So I am so glad that God has allowed this to enter into our lives because now, there is an opportunity for me and Jon to have a marriage that is founded on His word and brings Him glory. And I pray that would be His will to grant us that very thing. God brought Jon & I together for the purpose of bringing Him glory, and we were not doing that. He shook us up! And for that I say "Praise God!" That does make this easy and that doesn't mean that Jon & I are not meant to be together. In fact, through the marital covenant before Him, we were created specifically for each other alone. May God be glorified in our marriage as it is now, and as it is in the future! God is good. God is faithful. God is mighty to save. Nothing is too hard for Him. "But Jesus looked at them and said, With man this is impossible, but with God, all things are possible" Matthew 19:26. All glory be to God. May His glory shine for all to see.

Lessons

2011-10-06T14:09:00.000-05:00

This was Tyler's Pic of the Week drawing from last Sunday. It convicted me to pray harder for my children, especially my son who is really struggling right now. They are learning something from experience which kills me. But I also have this sense of peace and confidence that God is so much bigger than this. Really, they are His kids which He has left in my care for now, which means that He will ultimately provide everything they need to survive each day and live to bring Him glory! They are going to have at an early age an understanding of the presence of God that many do not have yet. He is working for their good. If you want to listen to my favorite pastor's sermon about this, listen here: God's 10 Words: Fidelity. One prayer for my son is that he learning the truth of Proverbs 7:21-23. This unrepented sin will cost one his life. May he never be that man.

"With much seductive speech she persuades him;

with her smooth talk she compels him.

All at once he follows her,

as an ox goes to the slaughter,

Or as a stag is caught fast

till an arrow pierces its liver;

as a bird rushes into a snare;

he does not know that it will cost him his life."

~ Proverbs 7:21-23

Wholly Surrendered

2011-09-30T11:38:00.000-05:00

Matthew 14:31 "Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him saying to him, 'O you of little faith, why did you doubt?'" Why, why, why do I ever doubt?! God has made promises and is always faithful. But yet I find myself doubting it when things are overwhelming. Like Peter, I find myself looking at the waves & the wind around me and then I start to sink. I am so thankful that God is who He is no matter what I'm thinking or doubting, and he mercifully continues to bring my head back up to gaze upon Him alone who will walk me through it.
My memory verse this week has been Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your paths." This one has been good for me! Because I don't get any of this. It makes absolutely no sense to me. If God is really in control of everything, then why in the world would God let this happen - and only looking to get worse, not better?! But that's the point - I will never get it because I'm not suppose to! God is so incredibly in control of everything, that he is working millions of little things all at once, for His glory. All I can see is the little patch in front of me, I can't see the whole quilt. But I can rest in that "for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28. All I have to do is surrender my needing to understand and just trust in Him. I have to acknowledge that he is completely in control of everything and then means I will be ok because He will guide me through the valley. I don't want to fight God's plan - because what He wants will happen anyway. So I can either be a Jonah...or a Joseph. God's will and purpose will happen no matter how I choose to respond so why in the world would I want to be on the wrong side of that!? Why bring myself more anxiety & fear? Instead, I choose to humble myself before my Savior and accept that His ways are best. I have been humbled that this is so far beyond my marriage. A friend said something that struck me... my marriage is a casualty in the battle for my husband's soul. While I desperately want that to not be the case, I get it - this isn't all about me and what I want & think is best. Jesus didn't come to save my marriage. Jesus came to save the sinner! Jesus sent His son to die for sinners, like me, to save us from the death and punishment that we deserve. Through this I have been brought in to God's saving grace, and I pray for nothing less for the man I love. I rejoice in the truth that I have no control over this. This is God's work, not mine. My trust is in something greater than a man, or in a marriage, my trust is in the Father who loves me. No matter what.
Hearing KH practice for Sunday while I'm here at work is helping move this blog today, so I'll share...

At the cross you beckon me,

you draw me gently to my knees,

and I am lost for words, so lost in love,

I'm sweetly broken, wholly surrendered.

Father, keep me broken and humbled before you. You are what I need. You are enough. I am wholly surrendered to your love and I trust you.

Do Not Fear

2011-09-22T15:23:00.001-05:00

Blah, it has been a very rough few weeks. A few ups, but mostly downs. I've been on a roller coaster and I've gone back to the basics to help keep my focus where it belongs - on God alone. So I'm back to my favorite "Always True" promises by James MacDonald. I can't do anything to change my circumstances and that scares me. I feel like I am at the mercy of someone who doesn't care about me or anyone else. But that's the lie! While another's actions & choices DO cause hurt & pain, I am not at their mercy. We are all under the hand of God whether we choose to believe it or not - and thank God I am on the right side of that hand! I am under HIS grace & mercy which He has extended to me these weeks while I am so undeserving, as we all are. But that's the goodness of his gift! He took the nails for me! Yeah God! :)
My memory verse this week is Deuteronomy 31:6 "Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you." And there are so many more verses for me to land on...
Exodus 14:13"Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will work for you today"
Psalm 23:4 "Even though I walk thru the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me"
Jeremiah 1:8 "Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you to deliver you"
2 Timothy 1:7 "God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self control"
Hebrews 13:6 "The Lord is my helper, I will not fear, what can man do to me?"
Romans 8:31 "What then shall we sat to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?"

I don't have to be afraid! I have no idea what is going to happen next. Sin is abounding all around me and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I have no idea what the immediate future holds. But that's ok! Because I know what the big future holds. God is on my side, and He is all I need. I don't have to be scared of anything because in the end, in the place it really matters, I'm on the right side and I will reap the rewards of being a treasured child of God. God's not going anywhere. He is fighting my battles and I can trust Him because He is always working for my good. So while my flesh battles fear, anxiety and control, I have to daily choose to give it up! By that I mean, not just daily, but sometimes hourly, or minutely (is that a word???). So this week Pastor James is taking me through dealing with that unknown fear of the future, actually I've spent 2 weeks on this chapter because I really need to fill my heart with God's word & truth about it. Fear God alone, because He is my refuge, my redeemer, my rock, my salvation, my deliverer, my savior, my everything. I don't have to fear, I don't have to fight, I don't have to run. I have to stand in God's presence. Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!"

A Coach!

2011-08-30T12:46:00.000-05:00

Lisa brought home my new baby this past weekend! I was so excited for it to get here! When she gave it to me I felt like it was Christmas! The pretty bag and ribbons.

It was all wrapped up in a nice bag. I could smell the newness. I could hardly contain myself!

There she is! My brand new, genuine, authentic, first ever Coach handbag! (Lisa informed me it's not a purse, it is a handbag). I know, a simple joy, but I was excited about it! I never thought I would own a designer purse. But thanks to an awesome sister who gets an awesome discount, it was made possible. I can promise you, Hannah & Chloe will not be playing purses with this purse! ... sorry Lisa, I meant handbag.

For This We Have Jesus

2011-08-25T10:31:00.001-05:00

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Guess What?! I keep searching for love in all of the wrong places. When will I ever learn that I am accepted and loved by the one and only one that matters? I am loved by God. I don't deserve it. I can't earn it. It's a gift of grace and mercy. I make mistakes. I am the chief sinner! I don't trust God and I search out answers from all of the wrong places. My heart, my actions, my thoughts...any that are not on God, are sin. And as a dear friend said... for this we have Jesus. For your mistakes you have Jesus, for my mistakes I have Jesus, the little ones and the big ones - we have Jesus! God knows it all, and he loves me anyway. I need Jesus everyday. Only a fool refuses to recognize that need. The question is will I accept what he's holding out for me to take: His love, grace & forgiveness? On a daily basis - will I confess and repent - will I need Jesus? YES! I need Jesus! For eternal life - you need Jesus. Today, do you accept your need and embrace it or will you take continue to deny it and choose death? No matter what you've done, he's waiting for you because he loves you anyway.

See now, I am the man who yelled out from the crowd

For Your blood to be spilled on this earth shaking ground

Yes then, I turned away with a smile on my face

With sin in my heart tried to bury your grace

And then alone in the night, I still called out for You

So ashamed of my life, my life, my life

BUT YOU LOVED ME ANYWAY

Name Your Blessings

2011-08-05T15:00:00.000-05:00

I made it! I made it through the week so far at least. Today marks exactly one year since I found out. I know I seem to always have it together, and everyone always says I'm strong, and doing something they never could, etc. But I'll be honest with you all - I do not have it all together. Just ask my amazing friend MH how many times I've called her this week crying so hard I couldn't hardly breathe. This isn't easy, and the ONLY reason I am surviving is because God is giving me the strength and keeping my focus on Him. To celebrate this unwelcome anniversary date, I've decided to name my blessings and share some of them with you. It is by no means an exhaustive list, I don't have enough room for them all, and they are in no particular order. Some of them are no brainers, and some of them you won't understand what planet I'm from. But they are coming from a place of honesty, pure joy and thanksgiving. James 1:16-17 "Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. EVERY good gift and every perfect gift is from above" Everything is a gift from God, you just have to be willing to have the eyes to recognize it. So here is my list...
My parents, sisters & their families...no matter what, they've got my back. They are defensive of me and love me beyond words. It can be rough, but I don't know what I'd do without them all.
Jon's family...they are all my family. I don't know how I would make it through without some of their love, understanding and support. Others have taught me huge lessons in patience, thinking before speaking, and having a gentle & quiet spirit. Regardless, I love them all because they are forever a part of my journey, and that makes them a blessing I am grateful for.
Friends, extended family, FBC and sisters in Christ...old ones, new ones, near ones, far ones. Ones that I have known for years and new ones that I have met in this process that have come along side me. You all pray for me, take care of me, fight for me, love me, encourage me, and so much more. God has placed each and every one of you in my life to bring Him glory. I thank God for all of you, which I wish I could name you all, but the list is more than I even know where to start. God has blessed me by using you to walk this with me.
My kids...I am so excited to watch the faith that is growing in my kids. The lessons they are learning are more than I ever would have been able to provide before. Their faith is mind-blowing and I love it! My kids are precious and I love them more than I can express. Their hugs, tears, love, words, and cuddling are all gifts from God.
The "other women"...I know WHAT AM I THINKING! But I'm serious, for all of the ones that I already know about, and for all of the ones that I don't know about yet - they are a blessing to me. These women have taught me the reality of what it really means to love your enemy. In daily praying for each of them by name, and in general, God has grown me in having compassion and understanding for those who wish me harm. It seems weird even to me, but my heart breaks for these women because they are each loved by God! But I am thankful that God has placed them in my life to teach me lessons I would never have learned without them. And it brings along the next blessing...
God is my shield, my protector, my avenger...I am so thankful for this. I don't have to worry about getting back, or being angry, or making it right. I could list a ton of verses here, but 1 jumps out Isaiah 54:17 "no weapon that is fashioned against you will succeed, and you shall refute every tongue that rises against you in judgment. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord and their vindication from me, declares the Lord." I don't have to worry about anyone who is against me, because one day, every knee shall bow and every one will answer for their unrepentant sins against me. Wrath belongs to God, not me - and that is a blessing because it sets me free from anger and bitterness!! God does not give his blessing to sinful lives, and maybe not today or tomorrow, but some day, all who are against a child of God, will pay the price.
My Husband...I am so blessed to have Jon as my husband. God has used Jon as a tool to save me! Amazing! Jon is the love of my life and no matter what he does, God has given him to me as a blessing. Jon's name means "Gift from God". And I am so thankful for God's gifts, including my husband. God has used Jon teach me what unconditional love really is. God used Jon to bring me to where I am today. I consider it an honor to love and to be married to Jon. God has specifically called me to love this man, and above all I will be obedient to God.
My salvation...God blessed me with the gift of salvation. I deserve hell, but God, in grace and mercy, saved me. What bigger blessing is there than that?
I could go on - our house, my job, my finances, our material things, my strengths, my weaknesses, my lessons learned, etc. But I'll stop for now. Whether you are willing to admit them or not, every thing in your life is a gift from God, as a way to bless you, or as a way to show you your need for him. And when you're down & out on life, name your blessings. It helps.

A Religious Fanatic

2011-07-25T11:49:00.001-05:00

I was recently called a religious fanatic. That there is believing that there is a God and all, but then there are people like me. I had to think about that one for awhile - am I really a religious fanatic? If others think I am, what does that mean for me? I've come to this conclusion...

Romans 1:16-18
"For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith for faith, as it is written. The righteousness shall live by faith. For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth."

If sharing the power of God in my life, and living my faith out makes me a religious fanatic, then yes; I AM A RELIGIOUS FANATIC! And I am proud of it! Although, I would prefer to label myself as a sinner redeemed by God's grace and no longer willing to hide it! I no longer live to worry about what others might think about me, what they might say about me, or how they judge me. Living my faith does not make me a judgmental, no fun, boring, Bible thumping, crazy person. I do not walk around judging others and thinking that I am holier than all of them, which makes me superior. If anyone thinks that, then you don't know anything about me, and have never taken the time to talk to me. There is a difference between "being religious" and living in God's grace and forgiveness. But no matter how you label it, view it, accept it or reject it...it does not change the truth. You can live and die saying the sky is red, but it doesn't change the fact that it is blue. You can live and die claiming that the Gospel isn't true, but it doesn't change the truth that is true.

I am a sinner, you are a sinner. Every person is born already a sinner. God's wrath will be poured out on all unrepentant sinners that do not claim and live with Jesus as their Lord and Savior. If you do not believe, you will go to hell...and you will not have friends there. There are no relationships in hell, it is an eternity of pain, misery and "the gnashing of teeth". Because of our sin, we all deserve to go to hell. That is the just punishment for our sin. But God made a way to save us from that punishment. He sent his only Son, he came to earth and lived a perfect life. He lived without any sin, and that allowed him to be the unblemished sacrifice that can atone for our sins! Jesus came, lived and then died for us. God poured out the wrath that we deserve - on HIS SON - so that we may have eternal life. Our sins held him on that cross, and He took it all for you and me. And then, He was raised on the third day. Satan was defeated, Jesus has overcome it all, even death. By his death, we can now have eternal life. The catch is that you have to choose to accept his free gift of life. Choose to accept it and live, choose to reject it and die. He's not going to force you, while it grieves Him, He will let you choose to suppress the truth and live a life of sin and unrighteousness. But that doesn't change the truth. God loves you and died for you. God is a God of mercy, grace, love and forgiveness. It is not possible for you to have done "too much" for God to forgive. He is waiting for you to turn to Him. But don't live as maybe someday I'll be ready to 'be religious', but right now I just want to have fun... Psalm 95:7-8 "Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts" for 1 Thess. 5:2 "the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night". Right now it is not too late to accept the gift, but one day, it will be too late and you will suffer for eternity the full wrath of the righteous God. I am not a pastor, I am not a theologian, so please, talk to your pastor, to me, or someone else, just please, do not harden your hearts one more day! I've been saved, and that means I share it for His glory. What you think & feel about that, is between you and God, not between you and me.

In Christ's Love,
A Proud God Fanatic
Kari

Amazing Grace

2011-07-19T15:03:00.000-05:00

"Kari, you are ready, because you will never be ready" ...wise words spoken by a dear friend

My journey has had me all over the place lately. I can go from confident and unwavering to crushed and crying quite quickly. We are hitting lots of "anniversary" dates that make the days really hard as I remember back "one year ago today..." I feel like I'm looking at when the string holding my life together started unraveling and it's still pulling one year later. And that makes for some hard days. I am so ready for my husband to come home, and it is hard to understand why it's not happening. So God has put me on a hard, eye-opening journey. One that I am still on and a lot of things I am still struggling with, but God is mercifully leading me through.

As many of you know, I am a doer. Tell me what I need to do to fix it, and I will do it. I so badly want to be able to do something - anything - in this situation! I am stuck in this rut that I think so many people are. If I can accomplish X, Y and Z, then that will be enough for God to bless me with what I want. God must be holding back because because what I'm doing is not enough, I'm not good enough yet. God just show me what I can do to be good enough for you to bring him home! God is this punishment for my own mistakes? Am I now reaping what I sowed years ago? "That sin was so bad, it's the one that caused this whole thing. It was the first domino and now I've caused all this, so I've got to make up for it!" God, you have brought me so far. Jon has a brand new wife, one that has learned and grown more in this past year than in my entire life! Just bring him home and then I can "do" and "prove" it to Jon and then everything will be ok. This whole paragraph - it's all lies straight from the pit of hell. It's all Satan's constant attack on me by whispering the lies over and over, playing the strings of one of my weaknesses: control. But God is stronger than Satan and is opening my eyes to the lies and replacing it with His truth. I am learning about GRACE.

I can never do enough to convince God to bring Jon home. I can never earn my salvation, I can never do enough works. On an intellectual level, I totally get that and can agree. But if I'm going to face reality, that's not how I live out my life. I am constantly trying to earn my salvation and what I feel I "deserve" for earning enough good points in my God bucket. My sinful pride stops me from being humble to accept the free gift of salvation and redemption that God has for me (it's also for you by the way). I feel the need to earn it because I know I don't deserve it. Ephesians 2: 8-9 "For by GRACE you have been saved through faith. And this is not of your own doing; it is the GIFT OF GOD, not a result of works, so that no one may boast". I have read that verse so many times, but I never let it sink into the very depths of heart and soul. What is Grace? Grace is unmerited, undeserved favor. It is not my commitment to God that saves me, it is God's commitment to me to that saves me. It's God's gift and that's why I can't earn it (otherwise it's a payment not a gift), it has nothing to do with me, me, me! It has everything to do with God! (FYI Grace by Bob Lenz is a great book). God has showered me with grace, I don't deserve it but He gives it anyway and I need to remember to sit back and accept it. If I "earn" Jon coming home, then it's a result of my good works and growing that brought him home (me, me, me). Yeah, Kari, that's not how God works. When Jon comes home, it will be obvious that it is the result of the one true God bestowing the saving gift of grace on Jon that only He can give. TRUTH: I CAN NOT - AND WILL NOT - SAVE MY HUSBAND OR MY MARRIAGE. TRUTH: GOD CAN. So by God's grace I will continue to grow and follow the path that He leads me down. My marriage and my husband are in God's hands alone, I hereby officially and publicly leave them at the feet of Jesus. I do not understand what God is doing, and I do not know what His time line is. But I know He is in control of everything that happens. My journey is between me and God. Jon's journey is between him and God. I pray for the day that our journeys join back together and we are a living testimony of God's power, glory and GRACE.

Our 11th Anniversary

2011-07-01T13:53:00.000-05:00

11 years ago today I married the man that God created and put on this earth for me. God doesn't make mistakes. With all that we've been through, with everything that has/is happening, I wouldn't take any of it back. I may have done some things differently, but I even if I knew these things were going to happen, I would still choose to do it all over again. 11 years ago I married the man that means to world to me. The man who has looked into my eyes and shared over half of my life with me.

The man the rides the carousel with his little girl.

The man that goes to games with his kids.

The man that loves enough to go find, dig up, and transplant this little tree the night before the first day of school just so that I can have a school tree to take pictures by.

The man who carves pumpkins with his kids, and will be the one to reach in and get the icky stuff out for them.

The man there to pull out the loose teeth, get our slivers, and pull off woodticks because it makes me cringe to even think about it.

The man who is brave enough to take us all ice fishing, and doesn't get mad when the poles, scoopers & whatever else are lost down the holes forever.

The man whose children adore him and love their daddy.

The man who will sit in the rain to watch the fireworks just to see the joy on his children's faces.

Even if you have lost faith, I haven't. That man exists, I know him and I love him. Although he may seem to be gone forever right now, he's not. I have faith that God will continue to work in Jon's life and one day, we will all marvel at the glorious power and might of the Father, the only one with the power to save. So my request from you, is that you pray for my husband on this special day. For while he is a sinner, Christ died for him - just like he did for you.

Matthew 19:6 "So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate."

Chloe Turns 3!

2011-06-13T11:59:00.000-05:00

Today Chloe turns 3! I was going through my camera and found some great pictures of our sweet pea. She is so comical it was hard to pick just a few!

I think she likes ice fishing.

She certainly helps complete our family!

She's fun and creative and there is never a dull moment with her around!

She likes to wear headbands around the back of her head - not on top of her head. Here she is wearing one that Hannah gave her for her birthday. Hannah was so nice to take a white headband and color it with a blue marker so that Chloe could have a blue one.

Our precious Chloe you have grown so much! We love you and are so blessed to have you as our daughter. God gave us an amazing gift in you!

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." God has a plan for you Chloe. Trust Him always and hold on to His promises. He will never let go of you.

Isaiah 54

2011-06-07T13:20:00.000-05:00

I have found great comfort this week in Isaiah 54. So I just want to share it with you...starting in verse 5

"For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called.

For the Lord has called you like a wife deserted and grieved in spirit, like a wife of youth when she is cast off, says your God. For a brief moment I deserted you, but with great compassion I will gather you. In over flowing anger for a moment I hid my face from you, but with everlasting love I will have compassion on you, says the Lord, your Redeemer

This is like the days of Noah to me: as I swore that the waters of Noah should no more go over the earth, so I have sworn that I will not be angry with you, and will not rebuke you. For the mountains and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed, says the Lord, who has compassion on you.

O afflicted one, storm-tossed and not comforted, behold I will set your stones in antimony, and lay your foundations with sapphires. I will make your pinnacles of agate, your gates of carbuncles, and all your walls of precious stones. All your children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of your children.

In righteousness you shall be established; you shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear; and from terror, for it shall not come near you. If anyone stirs up strife it is not from me; whoever stirs up strife with you shall fall because of you. Behold, I have created the smith who blows the fire of coals and produces a weapon for its purpose. I have also created the ravager to destroy; no weapon that is fashioned against you shall succeed, and you shall confute every tongue that rises against you in judgement. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord and their vindication from me, declares the Lord"

I don't need to keep telling myself these promises in order to convince myself of anything, I keep telling myself these promises in order to immerse myself in the truth.

To Clear Some Confusion...

2011-05-31T17:04:00.000-05:00

There are just a couple of things that I would love to take the opportunity to clear some confusion on, so here we go...also, none of this is meant to offend or "take anyone on", it's just my thoughts. If I had a personal issue with anyone in particular, I would address it one on one with them.

1. When I write on this blog, my purpose is to share my journey. I have no bad intentions towards anyone, most of all, not towards my husband. God has me on an amazing journey and I believe that sharing the truthfulness of my journey and my circumstances are part of the deal! I by no means pour out my everything in my heart & soul on this blog. I try to keep it to the things that I am learning and ways that I am growing. If my thoughts, perceptions, decisions make you roll your eyes, make you think I'm crazy or in denial, or weird you out - that is between you and God, not between you and me. I'm living on Rev. 12:11 "And they have conquered him by the blood of the lamb and by the WORD OF THEIR TESTIMONY". This blog reflects my testimony and I am not ashamed of the power of the gospel in my life. Satan get behind me because I will declare His good work in me for all to hear and see! What you take from reading it, is up to God.

2. Jon and I are not divorced. We are not in the process of a divorce, there is no legal separation. There is absolutely no paperwork that is in the works. While Jon is choosing to not live in a way that honors our vows, we are very much married, not only in the eyes of legal laws, but most importantly, in the eyes of God. I do not need "closure". I don't want closure as the world sees it, I want my husband back and I intend to stay married to him for life, that was my vow and I plan to keep my end of the promise. While I can not control Jon's choices, or predict what God might have planned, I am 100% seeking His will in my life. And as long as He has called me to be married to Jon, I will be. That is my decision that I have made. I did not make that choice based on feelings, on hurts, on a need to control, on the world's opinions or perceptions or on input from friends & family. I made that decision based on God's word alone. I am doing what the Bible asks of me and what God has called me to do. We don't exist to be happy in life, or to have an easy comfortable life. We exist to bring glory to God by seeking His will and living to honor His ways, not the ways of the world - no matter what the circumstances. This has not been an easy decision. I would say that a large portion of people in my life do not agree with my decision in this, but I made it based on what was right for me, according to God, and I am content in it. Being a follower of God does not mean I live a happy life, it means I live a life where I am completely dependent on Him and that means out of love for me, He will perfect my faith in Him. I believe that God is powerful and I have faith that He alone has the power to restore my marriage to be everything He created marriage to be. He alone can do it because in Him, nothing is impossible. And if it is His will, nothing will stand in His way.

3. I am not responsible for Jon's choices. I do not blame myself for anything Jon has chosen to do. Jon's choices to commit adultery and leave his family are on him alone. That being said, I do take responsibility for my own sins and areas I needed to turn over to God. I was depending on Jon to save me from myself and years of hurt and shame that extended to before I even knew Jon. God has not saved me from a cheating husband, instead, he used a cheating husband to save me from myself! Praise God! And if I did not open myself and my heart up to God's saving power in the situation, then I never would have gotten out of it what God intended it for. What would be the point of going through the pain if I didn't allow for the good to shine through? That is how God uses what Satan intended for evil to reveal His glory! Asking God to come in and reveal all my idols and sins to me so that I can allow Him to change me, is not the same thing as blaming it all on myself. And that life-saving truth is exactly what Jon is running from. I am a different person. I am now God's child, I am defined by Him alone. I am free from the bondage that held me for so many years. Being freed has allowed me to finally love my husband as God has called me to. It is finally a true, pure love because it is based on God's love.

So there you go, that's what I wanted to say. I love my husband, I want my husband back in every since of the word and I believe that the Almighty God will remain faithful to His promises to me in every way. Go ahead and think I'm crazy if you want, but God IS powerful and I have faith in His power to do miracles. And Jon coming home would be nothing short of a miracle and there would be no denying that ALL GLORY would be given to God alone.

The Marshfield Zoo & Stuff

2011-05-24T14:28:00.000-05:00

On Sunday we went with friends to the Marshfield Zoo. It's always a fun trip and Ms. Grizz was out! In all my times there, I'm not sure she's ever been out, but she was on Sunday.

This is Chloe, Chloe Kapitz, when you ask her to smile. And every day, she now wants me to make her hairy curly. She also got to join us in church on Sunday for the songs because she's almost three and only has a few weeks left to go to the nursery, so it's transition time. I just can't believe she's that old already!

We made it into Dairy Queen right before it started to pour outside. I think the girls have a head tilt thing going on.

We are busy with t-ball, soccer, kindergarten graduation, and preparing for a week at summer camp, day camp, sleepovers, Toby Mac at Lifest, swimming lessons, a vacation that may include some Casting Crowns and Sanctus Real and the Omaha Zoo (pray for me on that trip if it happens!) Life is going on for us. Obviously there is a huge hole in our lives, but we are trusting God, our heavenly father, to fill that hole for us. And because Matthew 24:36 tells us "that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father only", my family and I will live as "now as the day of salvation" 2 Cor. 6:2. It could be in the next minute, the next day, or in 100 years or more, but Christ will return and those who are not his children will face his very real judgement. Don't wait for tomorrow to get right with God. It may be too late. As a little plug (sorry PBW ) James MacDonald has an awesome series on Revelation on Walk in the Word and the last 2 days were about Making the Gospel Your Own. Google it and listen to it, the difference could be your very life. (And then tell PBW that he is your favorite preacher so that this doesn't effect my yearly review :) )

My Part in God's Story

2011-05-09T12:36:00.001-05:00

A few Sundays ago, Pastor Tim asked me to share my testimony & story in front of the Sunday school class. I prayed about it, and decided to do it. I debated putting it on here, but after praying about it, I've decided to take the plunge and post here what I shared. Confessing and proclaiming God's goodness is for his glory. What I wrote in my part of God's story is based on Hebrews 10:23 "Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful." And with the video, I am waiting for God, I am not waiting for Jon. And while I'm waiting - I will serve you. And while I'm waiting - I WILL WORSHIP YOU! I pray you are blessed.

God makes a lot of promises. Just a few are that he promises to always be with us, that he is always working for our good, that nothing can separate us from his love, that he is sovereign and in control, that trials are good for our faith, that he is good, that he is enough, and that he is faithful. When everything is going smooth in life, it’s easy to hold to our confession of these promises, it’s easy to find joy & hope in God. Then a trial comes and it becomes more difficult. Sometimes God’s answers come and it’s just what we prayed for. It is a miraculous testimony of how were used in God’s story. But what about when God isn’t answering our prayers how want him to?

As some of you know, I have had a very trying year. In August, I learned of my husband’s months of betrayal. In September, he chose to abandon me and our 3 young children. I have watched Jon allow Satan to wreck complete havoc in his life, to the point where I no long recognize who he is. And sometimes I just don’t understand why a good God would let this happen. When I spend hours on my knees, night after night, pleading and crying out to God to step in and make this right. To bring my husband home, not only to our family, but home to the feet of Jesus. When so many other people are praying for the same thing. Why is his answer – No? I start to waver because I take my eyes off of my heavenly father. I start to feel the waves of…what about our kids – I was never meant to be a single mom. What about our finances – where are we going to live? What about my future – am I going to be alone of the rest of my life? How am I suppose to breathe when this pain is so deep, will it ever go away? This isn’t the deal God! This wasn’t suppose to be my life! I look around and all that’s left of everything I’ve known are little pieces that I’m trying to hold together on my own. Where is God when I need him? How could this possibly be God’s mercy? But then God and his promises come back into focus and I stop sinking. I’m not suppose to hold this together on my own. When I am weak, he is strong. It is a rough and painful journey that I am on. Some days seem impossible to get through. But God literally picks me up off from the floor and carries me through them.

I’ve had to learn to let control go and ask God to do his good work in me. To open my heart to his, sometimes not so gentle prompting, to face the idols and sin my own life at a time when that seems so unfair! To break down walls to believe that he could be faithful when it seems I’m drowning in so much unfaithfulness. To begin to be truly free. By God’s grace alone, I am able to stand here today and confess that yes, God is good. God is faithful to his promises. His goodness shines through the love and support from so many people here at FBC, and many more beyond these walls. His goodness shines through the faith of my children which is growing by leaps and bounds. His goodness shows in that he loves me enough to burn away everything in my life that is not of him. I look back at myself one year, even 6 months ago, and I realize how far God has brought me in my relationship with him, and I wouldn’t go back for anything. The deal is that God makes me new, and he has come through.

I do not know how my part in God’s story will end. While I pray for it, I do not know if it is God’s will for my marriage to Jon to be restored, or if he will ever repent of his sins and turn to God. But regardless of the outcome, God’s will, will be done. And I do know that God is working for my good, that his glory will shine through what Satan intended for evil. That God is with me and he isn’t letting go. That by God’s grace I have been redeemed and I have already been made new. That I am loved and cherished as his child. That he truly is enough. While staring into the life I never planned, I hold fast to my confession that God is my only hope; for he who promised is always faithful.

Easter Eggs

2011-04-19T12:29:00.000-05:00

The kids & I did our Easter eggs on Sunday afternoon. It was over and done with so fast - they have no patience to let them sit in the dye for than 1 minute. And they each only had 4 eggs to do. What is a person to do with even 12 hard boiled eggs!? Maybe I'll make deviled eggs for Easter Sunday!

Chloe was the most entertaining of them all - I bet you couldn't have guessed that one! She would put her egg up high and literally drop it into the dye to see how big of a splash it made. (picture one) I was not so crazy about that. Then she would keep tasting the dye! EEEWWW! An egg flavored mix of vinegar, water & dye. And every time - she didn't like the taste. I think she thought different colors would taste differently. She kept trying to wipe the taste off her tongue (picture two)

I have a funny side story here...last week Grandma Kapitz asked Chloe if she had any dogs at home (we don't - dogs are not my thing) and Chloe told her yes, we have dogs, lots of them. Grandma said Really? you have lots of dogs?? Where are they?? Chloe said - in the freezer, they are corn dogs and Tyler likes to eat them!! Oh that girl is too much some days. I love it!

And here is a picture of Tyler for those who haven't seen him lately. His big, toothless grin. I'm praying that other front one straightens out a bit now that the other front one is out!

Anyways, I pray that each of you has an amazing and blessed Easter. May you seek out the real meaning of Easter and discover the amazing love that was poured out for you at the cross. Jesus died for you that you may be saved from the hell you deserve so that you may have eternal life. Don't reject His gift, but embrace it and find true love, joy and redemption in the only place it can be found - In Christ Alone.

"I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the father except through me" ~ John 14:6

Either It's True...Or It's Not

2011-04-06T13:36:00.000-05:00

I just finished reading an awesome book, Choosing to See by Mary Beth Chapman. She shares the heart wrenching story of the death of their 5 year old daughter and her journey of faith in their tragedy. I would highly recommend this book! But I've been really processing one aspect that she touches on and applying it to my own journey. And that comes down to either it's all true, or it's not. I believe that God is sovereign over ALL things. His guiding hand is in every situation. But it is also so easy for me to think, God where are you? Why are you not fixing this? Why, why, why, why, why?!??!?!? If God is real, and really there, then this would never have happened...right?! So does that mean that God wasn't in this? Does that mean that these choices that others made were out of God's control? I have had to face the truth...

Do I believe that God is sovereign over all or do I not?

If not, then I'm not believing in the God of the Bible - and what then does that mean?! I can't pick and choose what parts of God & the Bible I want to follow and what parts I don't really like, so I'll pretend that doesn't apply to me. Either it's all true...or it's not. And I believe that it is all true! Every word is true! That means God knew this was going to happen to me before the world even existed. He knew thousands of years ago that Kari Kapitz was going to have her heart broken and life as she knew it was going to be turned upside down in 2010. He has always been there, he was right there every time my I made a poor choice, he was right there every time Jon made a poor choice, he's there on the bad days and he's there on the ok days. He is right here in the middle of all of the decisions that others are making at this very moment. And he is going to remain in the middle of my entire future! There is nothing that can happen - that wasn't already part of God's plan. None of us will live one day longer than we are suppose to, none of us will go through something that was not predestined before the beginning of time. The world and our lives are full of wrongs, injustice, suffering and pain and things that just can't make sense. It stinks! But either you are going to grab on to the truth or you are going to run away and deny the truth. And it's a process. Do you have any idea how many times in a day I have to stop and run to God and hear "Wait Kari! Breathe! God is in this! Don't panic and freak out! GOD IS IN THIS!" But God - how do I do this next hour? By trusting Him and by knowing that He is in control of everything - even the bad things. Because all things happen for the purpose of bringing God all the glory. And I don't just believe that it's all true - I know it is all true. Knowing the truth does not make it easy or hurt less, but it gives me hope. Because God is my hope.

Hannah Turns 6

2011-03-24T11:25:00.000-05:00

Our little Hannah turned 6 years old on Wednesday. It seems like just yesterday we were sitting in the hospital room having Tabby braid my hair and count the hours. And we even had Toppers pizza fries delivered to my hospital room afterwards - who needs hospital food?!?!?

School was canceled for her birthday thanks to over a foot of snow, which for most kids would have been ideal. Not for Hannah. It meant - no birthday dress to wear to school, not getting to take her cupcakes (which I was up late frosting Tuesday night for nothing by the way), not seeing her best friend, not hearing her name over the loud speaker, not getting to get to Happy Joe's, not getting to go to the Awana Fair, and so on. After she spent some time crying it out, she got over it (for the most part). It helped to have the neighbors bring presents, getting a birthday card in the mail, and Grandpa & Grandma bringing root beer floats (with A&W Root Beer) when they came to plow us out. The picture above is how she wanted to "pose" and smile. Is she 6 or 16?

Since our plans had to change due to the weather, I dug through the cupboards and thankfully found an angel food cake mix so we could have a cake, but no frosting. So I dug out some strawberries and put those on top, no whip cream only led to a minor meltdown. I love the picture above. Tyler was horribly grumpy all day and he didn't want to be in the picture. But I made him anyway. But he refused to face the camera. So I said fine and took it anyway. Chloe kept taking bites out of the cake, which led to some more meltdowns, but Chloe was laughing at least.

Tyler was better when I had him take a picture. Me and my girls. My Hannah is a treasured gift from God. I see her growing so much and it honestly scares me a little bit. I want to say slow down! It is a lot of pressure to know that God has given me this child of his to raise and train to His glory. And that one day, Jon & I will stand before Him and answer to Him for how we raised His children. I ask God everyday for the strength and knowledge to raise His children to turn to Him for their every need, that He will be their foundation and their everything. Hannah's faith and trust in God has become so much stronger this past months and I can see it! I hear it in her comments, and her questions. She is learning so much about her heavenly Father and I couldn't ask for anything more for her. In our nightly prayer time, Hannah always ends with the same prayer, and I pray she always holds on to this promise from God...

"God, no matter what happens, with you, we will always be ok."

I'm Suppose to What?

2011-03-08T14:47:00.000-06:00

Luke 6:32-33, 35-36

If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons ofthe Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.

This past weekend I went to a marriage conference - which I might add, is a very scary thing to do all by yourself - but I got so much out of it that it was so worth it! I would highly recommend Gary Thomas' Sacred Marriage - the book & the conference. In the last session he talked about the above verses and they hit me right in the heart. It's easy to love the people that love you - because they love you in return. It doesn't test your faith, patience, strength & perseverance to love those who love you like it does to love those who are your enemies - people that hurt you. I'm suppose to love them God? Really? Do you know what she did? But God, surely not him, not after this pain! Yes, Kari - especially them. My enemies are people that God loves, and God wants to see brought to His saving grace. And if I am going to ask God to live in me, then I need to show His love to them too. And He loves the ungrateful and the evil! How do I do that? Well, I am learning that with my own strength & determination, it's never going to happen - the pain is too great. But the great news is that I don't have to do it on my own! God is my source of strength to do the hardest things of my life - like being open to forgive and love those that have hurt me most. It's not a switch I can flip, it's a journey and a process that God will carry me through.

The second half of the verse also hit me. I am suppose to love and expect nothing in return? I can certainly apply that to my marriage and other relationships, but God spoke to me in a way that I applied it to my relationship with Him! I know that this trial is teaching me so much. I am learning and growing in my faith like never before. I have implemented so many changes with my kids, my deeply rooted and dangerous thought patterns and perceptions are starting to change with the help of my 4 counselors :) My behaviors and reactions are so much more mature and healthy, I am becoming obedient to the God of my salvation and it is bringing me joy in a way that is not of this world. BUT, that being said, I am caught in this destructive thought pattern that because I am growing so much - God has to answer my prayer how I want it answered. I deserve this - look how hard I've worked! I am entitled to this happiness and wedded bliss! Yeah, well, that's not how it works. God doesn't make deals. I don't deserve anything. I am not entitled to one single thing on this earth. What I do deserve is death for my sins and God sent His son to take the one thing I deserve. I can never earn, or bargain for God's love or blessings. I am (we all are) called to love God and expect nothing in return. That takes real faith! And for a "doer" like me, that's hard to accept - I want to know I'm doing enough and doing it right. The good news of it is that I don't have to worry about doing enough good things - because no matter how much I do, that's not what will save me anyway. So I am continuing to learn and grow on this journey. I am a sinner saved alone by the saving grace of God and His mercy will get me through each step of the way. So grab God's hand and do the hard things - love your enemies and expect nothing in return!

Idols and Trials

2011-03-01T13:33:00.000-06:00

Isn't it strange, almost cruel, yet amazingly wonderful, how God can take a horrible situation to make me aware of my own sin and idols and then use it for His glory and my good? I never would have thought that anything good could come from betrayal. But everyday, I learn that God keeps taking me deeper and deeper into Him and His Word and His truth. And what greater joy is there than that?!?! That God is a loving, caring, personal and real God and He is out for my good?! Every time I think "alright God, you've got me where you must want me...now how about you work on him" - I learn that I am sorely mistaken because I have so much further to go. Every time I think, "this hurts too much, get me out God" - I learn that God is faithful, and present and will get me through it. (Maybe I should stop thinking so much!)

What am I learning? God is mercifully showing me my idols. We all have idols, and as long as those idols are at the top of the list, we keep God off from the top. And God did not create and design me to have anything at the top except for Him. Which means, because he loves me, he is going to bring down my idols. So what's my idol? I humbly confess that my idols are my marriage and my husband. I do not know how to live without either one. What's wrong with loving your husband beyond words? What's wrong with wanting my marriage - something so wonderfully designed and created by God himself? On the surface, nothing is wrong with those. However, I, like many others, have put them above God. I look to marriage and Jon to fill holes in me that they are not designed to fill, so it never quite works right. I have big empty spaces inside that I have tried to stuff them into and it has failed miserably. And it's not all their fault! I have been failing to recognize that the only thing that can do it is God! "You complete me" should never be said to another person. The only one that can complete me is God. Marriage and husbands are true blessings from God. They are to be treasured and cared for and loved - for the purpose of bringing glory to God, not to make myself feel better.

I have been wrestling with God for this control for so long. How can I give up my idols God? What if you don't come through for me God? If I give them up, what do I have left? These are good, godly requests I am making of you - what's so wrong about that? And God just keeps waiting for me to tap out. To finally fully submit to His plan - His plan for my good. To have faith that He will come through for me, that what I have left is all I need - God Himself! These are good, godly requests. And I will continue to bring those requests to Him many times, every day. But I have to give them up as idols in my life. And that is so hard, and I know it will take time. But with God's grace and mercy I will leave them at His feet to take care of. And I will rejoice in the knowledge that God loves me enough to take me through this fire! Father, keep me in the trial! Teach me everything you want me to learn in this trial!

Hebrews 12:5-11

"My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, not be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives. It is for discipline that you to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it."

I'm Sticking With You

2011-02-16T13:00:00.000-06:00

I love this song, "Sticking With You" by Addison Road. (I am hoping the video plays in this blog, I've never tried it this way before). It's where I'm at, and it speaks to me. God stuck with me, he will stick with you, and whether you want to stick with me or not...I'm sticking with you!

Standing on the Promises

2011-02-01T08:43:00.002-06:00

I've seen dreams that move the mountains, Hope that doesn't ever end, even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, Broken hearts become brand new, that's what faith can do.

Last night the kids were just playing in the bedroom and I heard them singing this song; and it warmed my heart beyond words. Which has prompted me to put things into words. I usually do not use this blog to put things that are "too personal" out there. It is the internet for all to read you know! But I have been led to share. Even if you think it's weird, psycho, a little crazy, whatever - I no longer have the same fear of man. The personal tragedy and trauma that my family is going through has been the most difficult, and yet rewarding, trial I've ever faced. Many people ask me, how are you? How do you do it? Why do you do it? How can we help you? And I want to answer those questions. I am ok...as ok as I can be. And I am ok, because I am clinging tightly to my only hope and strength - the promises of God. God has brought us on this journey and as terrible as it is, I can see His goodness all over it. I look back to where I was a year ago, 6 months ago, even 3 months ago - and I never want to go back there. I would have this happen to me all over again, to get to where God has brought me before him, a broken sinner, in desperate need for a savior - this is worth it. Don't get me wrong, I hate this situation but I can't deny that God is using it for His glory! The evil one and sin are rampant in this world. I am a personal witness to the destruction it can bring to a loved one's life. But because Christ lives in me - I will prevail - because God will prevail. He will never leave me, and never give me more than I can handle. He's always in control, always watching and is ALWAYS victorious. With Him I will not fear, doubt, despair, falter or fail. (James MacDonald's Walk in the Word, Always True series has been a true blessing to me!) I am not strong - on my own I am a weak, blubbering mess. But when I am weak, then I am strong. So I am not doing it - God is doing it. To Him be the glory.

The love and support that I have received has humbled me beyond anything I could imagine. Christ's love is poured out on me daily. The encouraging cards and words, hugs, listening ears, shoulders to cry on, prayers, gift cards, gifts of money, meals provided, loving on my kids, free babysitters, Christmas presents , and so much more - I thank God for every one of those gifts. From family and best of friends to people I've never even met - every person is a blessing from God. I am only just beginning to understand how deep the love of Christ for me! Thank you to every one of you. May God bless you beyond the blessing you have been to me.

Why do I do it? Because God has saved me and filled me with a sacrificial, Christlike love - that can only come from Him - for those that have hurt me. I am committed to following God's will and plan for my life, wherever that might lead me. I know where my heart will always stand - what my forever choices will be. Where my love will always be. I do it because I will be ok, God is what I need, and I will never lose Him and I will always have my faith. How can you help me? Pray, Pray and Pray! I believe this is a spiritual battle that is beyond anything that can be done here on earth. Pray for me, pray for my children, pray for my husband. Pray that God's will be done and all glory be given to Him! And in the meantime, stand on the promises of God and join my kids and I as you sing your heart out...

I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end, even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered; broken hearts become brand new, that's what faith can do. ~ What Faith Can do by Kutless

Chloe's Clothes

2011-01-07T12:28:00.002-06:00

Last weekend, the kids & I tackled taking the tree down. Thank goodness for Mr. Tyler Muscles! Chloe wanted to help, and dressed herself...

She then proceed to run around outside like this until I could catch her. And the girl kept changing clothes all day! And they were awesome outfits - I couldn't stop laughing so I needed to take pictures and share some of Chloe's Clothes for a day.

An inside out swimsuit, cowgirl boots & hat and a fairy wand

Snow White dress and a winter hat. I missed a picture of the ballerina outfit - but you can see it laying on the ground in the background

And Super Girl with a Santa hat - with sandals. And that was just a few outfits that I caught on camera! That girl is all about getting a laugh - and she always gets them. I just about lost my mind last weekend, so thank goodness for some comic relief (until I realized I had to wash all of the outfits because I think she wet each one!! AAHH!)

Mental Note to Self: Don't Eat Kapitz Cookies

2010-12-13T12:41:00.002-06:00

Since we were snowed in, we made our Christmas Cookies this weekend. I determined that it is a good thing that I don't give any cookies away to anyone. None of you would want them after watching this video. The sad thing is that I didn't get Chloe on video frosting them the way she did most of the time...by using her hand instead of the knife. So scoop up frosting, lick hand, smear it on the cookie, lick hand, smear on cookie. Yummy.

I Need a Bath

2010-08-17T11:14:00.002-05:00

I had to take a picture of this lovely, smiling little girl. (She is saying "cheeeeeeeeeeese") Her hair is a mess, she is full of sidewalk chalk - face, hands, feet ,legs, arms, and she kind of smelled a little bit. And she was hungry. I know what you're wondering - does Kari feed & clean her children?!?!?!? Of course I do - eventually.

A Painted House

2010-07-15T13:30:00.003-05:00

Last Friday, Monday & Tuesday we had our house painted! I needed some color in my life, so we decided to paint. Tina from Creative Edge came out to help me with colors, and we hired a guy to do all of the painting. I loved doing it that way, he was awesome! Above is the new bedroom colors. They match the comforter.

The rest of these are angles of the living area. (I was going to do before pics, but I wasn't in the mood to mess with blogger to get it to do it how I wanted.)

It's like a new house all over again! I love it! Now I just need to find some new decor pieces to complete the look. Yeah!!

Wild Wolf Girl

2010-06-18T12:02:00.003-05:00

What is that sitting at my counter? All I see is wild hair and all I hear are strange noises.

I think it is licking the bottom of the pan. Although I can't say I wasn't tempted...it was a pan of the Pioneer Woman's cinnamon rolls.

Oh! It's Hannah! Her hair has become uncontrollable - this was after I had brushed it earlier in the day. Whoever said that girls like pretty pony tails & clips never met my girls.

So we went and got her her first real haircut at the salon. There was a real girl under that mop! However, she now she refuses to let me wash it, because the sparkles will come out.

Rodeo Fun

2010-06-08T12:10:00.002-05:00

We took Tyler & Hannah to the rodeo this weekend. They wanted their pictures by the baby horses, but the mama horses kept them hidden and would only show us their backsides (you can kind of see that in the picture). So we settled for the "meanest looking bulls". As you can see, they really didn't want to get too close to them.

Tyler was too funny. He didn't want to get too close to any bull, because "Mom! I'm wearing red! They might charge at me!" I really had to convince him that he was fine.

I thought these poses of him were kind of neat. I wasn't telling him to pose. He didn't even know that I was taking pictures of him. It was a fun time - and we didn't even get wet! YEAH!!

Changes & More Changes

2010-05-25T08:36:00.002-05:00

I'm not sure I'm ready for this. I feel rushed. Chloe has never tried to get out of her crib, and so I've refused to move her to a "big girl bed". (I also have yet to take her nuk away at bedtime, but let's ignore that for now). And those pj's make her look like a boy, and as always, she has naked water baby by her side (see Joni's facebook pics for that introduction).

But I made the switch this weekend. She is now in Tyler's bed - which might explain the Spiderman bedding - which is sharing a room with Hannah. It has gone...ok. You just need to imagine the back & forth, getting out & putting her back in about 20 times. She does eventually go to sleep.

I needed to get over it and move her because this bed came out of our room and is now Tyler's. I didn't get the whole room because the crib is still wedged around the corner. I haven't been emotionally ready to take it down yet. It will be the last time we take it down - ever - and I'm not fully ready to accept the fact that my baby is that big already. It was a great bed, but it has been my bed since high school. Jon & I have been watching for a new bed...

We were fully prepared to keep waiting - we have been for what seems like forever! Bedroom sets are expensive!!! And we found this one at a garage sale last week! It was an amazing deal, that we would never, never, never would have found again. It's a king bed and it came with the box spring & mattress, night stand, and 2 full dressers with a mirror. And it is pretty new - and in great condition. I love a great garage sale find! I love the bedding I found, but now my white walls need to change. One thing at a time, that's what Jon tells me at least.

Busy Weekend

2010-05-11T11:57:00.002-05:00

On Saturday we had a cook out to celebrate a combination of Mom's birthday and Mother's Day. This is mom with her cake that Joni made for her. Do you like the candles? I didn't have any birthday candles, so I grabbed these out of the closet. They looked like rockets, or fireworks.

Here is grandma with all of the grandkids.

And they collapsed from a long weekend. I found this too funny. We had put them to bed - in their own beds, and then when I checked on them later in the night, Hannah had moved to Tyler's bed. They had no blankets on and were curled up next to each other.

Dancing with the Stars

2010-04-28T14:19:00.002-05:00

The kids enjoy watching Dancing with the Stars lately, although they go to bed not long after it starts. And they try to copy the dancing...try being the key word. This morning - at 7am- they were doing some "star dancing" in the kitchen. And what else would stars dance to other than "Lord I Lift Your Name on High"? I have to say, my favorite part is the last 5 seconds. Usually Chloe is right in there dancing with them, but she saw an opportunity this morning and took it. Enjoy the show.

Just When You Think You'll Lose It...

2010-04-15T10:14:00.003-05:00

I love my children dearly. But every once in awhile, they really test my patience. Tyler has me to that point lately. Last week he ordered a dart gun at Awana with his Awana bucks. He likes to lay underneath a blanket and then shoot you as you walk past. And he likes to shoot his little sisters. I hate dart guns.

But then I witness such touching things. Like he helped Chloe find her Easter eggs at Easter. How sweet is that! (Please pay no mind to the fact that they used Halloween buckets).

And remember that dart gun...last night I saw that he filled out an order form to order ANOTHER dart gun. I went right to his classroom and asked, "why did you order another dart gun? You don't need two of those things!!" (Do you feel the frustration rising in my voice?) And he answers, "I ordered one for Hannah. She doesn't get to buy these fun things and I wanted to share with her." My whole heart melted. He spent his hard earned Awana money on Hannah - and nobody asked him to do that. It reminds me that even though I get frustrated, and have so many shortcomings as a mom, God is still working in their hearts. They are growing and maturing and becoming everything God has planned for them to be.

And I thought I would share with you all this picture that he drew last week in church for the "Pic of the Week". I found it hilarious because he took one phrase completely out of context and wrote it with totally unrelated pictures. I call it his awake dream. He wrote Moses saying, "Any women should stay at home" (huh?) And then he drew cardinals (he had been watching the Cardinals vs. Brewers) in a tree with a nest. And one fell out and died. (the bird that died when hitting mom's picture window that he helped bury & have a funeral for, although that was not a cardinal). I love that boy and am amazed and what must going through his mind.

No

2010-03-29T10:16:00.002-05:00

Chloe has a favorite word right now. She says it for everything. I videotaped a little bit this weekend. This way Lisa can see & hear that she is talking now! Although it is difficult to understand - unless it's no. A no from Chloe can be goofy, naughty, sassy, kidding, angry, laughing, the possibilities are endless. I have no idea why the colors in the video keep changing, so sorry about that. Enjoy!

Happy Birthday Hannah!

2010-03-23T10:41:00.004-05:00

Today is Hannah's 5th birthday. I can not believe that she is that old already! I was looking back through pictures to post and most of my pictures of Hannah are of her eating. As she is in the picture above. She quite messy when she eats, but she never leaves behind any dessert.

Or else she is dressed so pretty and doing some crazy things.

Hannah is always on the go. She keeps us on our toes.

Here was a birthday party we had for her on Saturday. She seems angry. By looking at Tyler I'd guess he said something that made her mad and that made him laugh.

Hannah is a joy to have in our family. We can't imagine life without her. She says the craziest things, does even stranger things and makes our life complete. God has blessed us with amazing child. Happy 5th Birthday Hannah!

Hey! That's Not Fair!

2010-03-12T11:09:00.002-06:00

This is what I saw when I walked into the bedroom this morning. Jon was using the kids for a massage! And my thought was..."Hey! That's not fair! What about me?"

He has Tyler doing his back with a massage thingy.

And the girls doing his feet with lotion! Man! Why didn't I think of this first!

Kids

2010-03-10T12:37:00.002-06:00

I get up every morning at 6am to work out and it doesn't take too long and I have 3 others working out with me. I love that since Tyler & Hannah have weights, Chloe found her own...the Wii remotes!!! She's resourceful!

Chloe's loves to take all of her clothes off - I mean everything off. It is becoming a real issue (i.e. removing dirty diaper and I'll stop there). So, I started taping her shirt to her pants. I tuck her shirt in, and take a big roll of packing tape and tape the shirt to the pants so that she can't take either one off. It's ok - I make sure that no tape is touching any skin so that she is not hurt in any way. She's just mad.

Chloe also knows how to turn the tv on. Isn't she to young for that?

And last, Hannah said "Take my picture". So I did.

Random Shots of February

2010-02-23T11:50:00.003-06:00

I haven't posted anything in February so I thought I would run through some random shots from the month. We took the kids ice fishing.

Tyler dropped the ice scoop down the hole. Where are the fish?

That's what Chloe thinks about ice fishing. Actually, she loved it. And she refused to be carried on the ice. She had to walk her self all the way out there and all the way back.

Is this breaking child labor laws?

It's a dark picture, but I was stuck at the end of the driveway. The kids & I had to walk up to the house. Our driveway drifts horribly and some of those drifts were over my knees while we were walking. It sat there until Jon came home to dig it out. A neighbor, Mr. Giese -remember him - used his tractor to clear out behind the van so it could go backwards. I wonder what he thinks of my driving?!??!?!

Hannah:"Can I have some 'nilla for behind my ears?"
HUH?

She loves the smell so much that she likes to wear it so she can smell it all day. Grandma told her that in the old days that's what women did for perfume. So she's "like the old days". Her facial scarring is a nice scratch from Mean Chloe. Watch out for that girl!

And that is a brief glimpse of a small part of February. I'll try to do better in March

Like Father, Like Son

2010-01-25T10:52:00.003-06:00

After a very long week - lots of time at work; sick kids, sick parents, spending Sunday morning in the ditch waiting for a tow truck, etc, etc, etc - it was a great time watching the Vikings-Saints game. Tyler has become very interested in football. And I realized he mimics everything Jon does. And Jon is the MOST ANIMATED football player! He rolls his pants legs, unrolls them, stands up, paces, lays flat on the floor - face up then face down - stands in the kitchen, watches from around the corner, etc. And Tyler does everything he does (you can see the legs of his long underwear rolled up). And this wasn't even a Packer game!! I only wish I would have gotten more pictures.

In the end, they danced & cheered. It was a great game and we enjoyed it. Sorry to all our Viking friends & family. It was just too sweet.

Brett Favre is Missing!

2010-01-15T11:27:00.002-06:00

Here is what I think is a hilarious true story...
The scene is Monday night and Tyler & Hannah come running out the bedroom...

Tyler: (in a super excited voice & jumping up & down) Brett Favre is missing!
Me: I'm sure he's not missing, Tyler.
Tyler: Hannah told me so!!!
Hannah, For real Mom! I heard it on the radio at grandma's! It's for real! (burst into tears) Why don't you believe me!
Tyler: Yeah mom! He's missing! YES!!! (in a sing-song voice) Now the Vikings lose! Now the Vikings lose!
They would not give it up so I called the place of the source...grandma. Iasked her for an explanation...
Me: Mom, did your radio tell Hannah that Brett Favre is missing?
Mom: What? No. Wait! (Bursts out laughing) K99 at noon had someone call in and reported Brett Favre missing. There is an number to call if you find him...

He has four legs, brown fur and answers to the name Brett Favre.

Someone lost their dog named Brett Favre! And the radio thought it was funny and kept saying, "Folks, Brett Favre is missing"

So, Hannah was kind of right, she knew what she heard, she just didn't get the full story. So Tyler was disappointed and life went on. But I thought it was hilarious - my kids crack me up! Oh yeah, Brett Favre is still missing.

Snow White plays the Wii

2010-01-12T11:46:00.004-06:00

My dear Snow White, with a rag on your head, what are you guys doing?!?!?!?!?!

Why playing the Wii of course! Who doesn't dress like that?

Removing the Tree

2009-12-31T13:51:00.003-06:00

Our wonderful Christmas Tree. It was beautiful, but it is time for it to go. How does one remove such a large tree? I thought I'd share our process.

First you get the ladder in to take everything off. Then Jon takes a pruning sheers and starts cutting off branches. Hm. That could take awhile.

Then you discover that in all of those branches you had a bird's nest that you never knew was there. At least there were no birds - or any other animals.

Then you just take a saw and start cutting the trunk of the tree.

Remove the top half of the tree.

Then another section goes out.

Until this is all that is left. Gorgeous isn't it!

Then you seep needles into a pile. Chloe kept saying ,"OOHH"
I think we will be finding needles for the rest of our lives. By the time we actually get rid of them all, it will be time to bring in the tree for Christmas 2010. And my house feels really empty without the tree in it. It took up a lot of space!

CHLOE JEAN KAPITZ!

2009-12-17T09:52:00.002-06:00

OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW!
If you look closely in this picture, it is the bathroom door from the outside. And if you look even closer, you can see that the drawer inside the bathroom is open - which means that you can't open the door. It is Chloe's new thing. This is how she locks herself in the bathroom. We have to find a knife, screwdriver, something that can get enough of a grip on the drawer so that we can slowly inch it shut so that we can open the door. Meanwhile, Chloe is inside by herself.

See.
"Don't come in here! I was combing my hair!"
Atleast this particular time we didn't hear the splashing of the toliet water while we worked.

Church Christmas Program

2009-12-14T10:42:00.002-06:00

The kids had their Christmas Program at church on Sunday. They did a great job. I'm so glad that another parent was able to take pictures of my kids. My annoying camera died on me.

"Glo-ooooo-oooooo-oooo-ooo-oooo-ria"

Christmas Cookies & Snow

2009-12-10T12:24:00.004-06:00

Since there was no school on Wednesday, and Jon & I were not getting out of the driveway, we decided to do our Christmas cookies instead of saving them for Saturday. I cheated and used the neighbor girls to help - it makes it go faster.

Chloe got her own plate with one cookie and some frosting. She didn't even know that I gave her the "blob cookie". You know - the blob of dough at the end that you don't know what to with so you cook it too.

But she mostly ate spoonfuls of frosting.

Then they went outside. I think that she looked like a pink snowman. I know my sisters will get a good laugh at her outfit. You also might notice that she has 2 different mittens on. The girl has 2 sets - and I could only find one of each. Frustrating!!! Although I'm proud to say that I'm not caught up in what my kids where. Play clothes and warm in winter clothes are all that matter. Who needs to match? Some day I'll do a blog of "Hannah Pants - the girl has style!"

But they are too small and kept riding up her legs. So I had to go and dig out a bigger pair. I guess at least she wore it once - for 5 minutes. But then she satyed outside for 30 minutes! And the other two stayed out for 1 hour & 30 minutes - and came in because it was dark. They couldn't resist the new snowbanks after dad came to plow.

Gingerbread House

2009-12-10T12:17:00.002-06:00

The neighbors invited us over for a gingerbread house making party last Saturday. And it was a party - lots of people and TONS of candy to put on the houses. The kids had a great time. This is their house & yard. It's hard to see, but the one snowman peep is already missing his head. They can't stop eating the candy.

And they had to cover every possible square inch on the thing. They even put a fireplace and stockings inside the house.

Then the next day...

This is what we found. A collapsed house!

I think they put to much candy on the roof. Gumballs are heavy when you have 40 of them on one side of the roof. Oh well, now I can throw the thing away rather than keep trying to find a place for it in my house. But at least it was a fun time.

The Griswalds live here?

2009-11-30T11:21:00.002-06:00

We got our tree on Sunday. We had tagged a few weeks ago, and Jon went to cut it down. Hannah was taking some pictures of the process - or her feet.

Yeah, Jon is Mr. Griswald. At least he had a truck and he didn't have to tie it to the top of a car. It is huge! It was smaller in the field. I think the neighbor girls couldn't believe it. Chloe can stand at the base of it, and the bottom branches are just above her head. I never thought our tv would look small.

After a run to town for some more lights & ornaments and got it done. This is the tree last night - before the kids added all of their ornaments at 6am this morning. It really is a beautiful tree and I love it. But, does anyone have a bigger tree skirt they want to sell?

Black Friday: To Shop or To Sleep

2009-11-30T11:14:00.002-06:00

I hate to shop. I buy what I need and I leave. So with this new tradition of going to Wal-Mart on Black Friday I was torn. Do I really want to lose precious sleep to shop? This year I caved in. I got up at 3:30am to go to Wal-Mart. Do you know what I needed??? A wreath hanger. Yep. That's it. Here is Tracey K. helping me push through the lines to get to them before they were gone. $1.50 is a deal!

The things that I do under peer preessure. I hope they never sugggest jumping off a cliff.

But I got my wreath hook and was back in bed by 6am. Good times.

You Know What?...

2009-11-17T12:17:00.002-06:00

Tyler has an issue. He likes to say "You know what..." And then you have to say "What?". In fact, yesterday on the way home from school he was telling a story and he was saying it so many times that I started to count. In the distance from Country Inn to mom's house (what is that 4 miles?) he said "You know what..." 29 times!!!!!!!!!!! And you know what...I really dislike that phrase.

I also hate homework. My kids don't have a lot of it, but I still hate it. Tyler does alright with his. But Lord help us all when Hannah gets real homework. She likes to do it because it makes her feel like a big girl. However, now that it involves something constructive and not coloring a picture, the tide has begun to turn. Last night she had to make the number 5 four times. Above she is trying once...

Then take cover fast because ... "I CAN"T DO THIS! I HATE SCHOOL. (throw pencil) MOM, DO THIS HOMEWORK FOR ME!" If you look at Tyler's face, I think he is confused by the outburst. Does anyone have any suggestions for me? Can anyone teach me how to teach her to hold a pencil? When she has to pick up a pencil she acts like it's a foreign object that is full of something yucky. Did I mention that I hate homework?

And there is this one. While I am trying to help 2 kids with homework I have an attachment to my leg. "PICK ME UP RIGHT NOW! I WILL FOLLOW YOU AROUND IN THIS POSITION UNTIL YOU DO!"

"OR ELSE I WILL STRIP ALL OF MY CLOTHES OFF RIGHT HERE IN THE KITCHEN" Well, instead of words insert screaming. I'm interpreting here.

As a lovely side note...you know what :) Chloe did on Sunday. She woke up from her nap and the neighbor girl went in to get her from her play pen. Kelsey screamed a little and I knew it had to be bad. Chloe had stripped everything off (that is her favorite thing - she even stripped in the church nursery). However - she had a dirty diaper that she took off too! yeah. And then she smeared it all over the pay pen, the blankets, herself. that was so much fun to clean up! I just hope I didn't lose a potential babysitter since Kelsey was slightly mortified by the scene.

Sweet Tyler

2009-11-12T12:42:00.002-06:00

Tyler is so sweet. At Awana Mrs. Wrage had them make a thank you card that they could give to anyone they wanted to. On the way home Tyler started asking me what street Gary lived on and how mail got to him. I was like, he doesn't have a street, and they fly the mail over...Why? And he said that he made his card for "Uncle Gary!" AAAWWW! Here he is with his card saluting Gary.

This is the inside "Thank you Gary for being in the Army. From Tyler"

And this is the outside a little USA and a picture of two guys shooting at each other. He may be sweet, but he's still a boy. So we will ahve to get this in the mail to Gary. Tyler also asked how many guys were over there - one or two? And I said thousands. Tyler's response..."They must have a big camper".

Game Time

2009-11-03T12:03:00.002-06:00

Jon and I were able to go to the Packer-Viking game on Sunday. We got there nice and early this time. And it was beautiful out - not minus 10 like it was when we went last year.
Our seats were pretty good.

It was a great game to be at, although it could have ended better. We were surrounded by Viking fans. But the group next to us wasn't too bad. But it was a great date day and we had fun.

Pumpkin Carving

2009-11-03T11:58:00.002-06:00

On Saturday we decided to finally carve our pumpkins.

Chloe hated it. She wouldn't touch the stuff. She cried. So we put her to bed.

Joni came to help us out and have some pumpkin fun. Here they are making stars on the back of the pumpkin.

And here are the final products. Chloe liked them when they were finished and lit up. I guess I can't blame her for not liking the icky stuff.

Hannah's New Hair

2009-10-27T12:25:00.003-05:00

Here are the kids in the Packer clothes on Sunday. It is tough to take their picture! But do you see Hannah's new haircut? And Tyler's bald again.

It is so short! Chloe is saying, "LET ME GO!"

Here she is "smiling" for a close up. I did this haircut myself. Although it seems to be ok, as I look at it, I may need to call up a professional that I know and see if she can fix it up. I learned that people go to cosmetology school for a reason. Because I did not intend to go that short, but I had to keep evening up the sides and it ended up that short. And I stopped there.

Tyler Turns 7

2009-10-23T12:41:00.002-05:00

Today is Tyler's 7th birthday. Can you believe that he is that old? Remember the day that I had him? I think you were all there..I only had over 20 people in the waiting room. People skipping tests and work. Sisters, boyfriends, parents, aunts, friends, I was also introduced to people when they came in to see Tyler 30 minutes after he was born. the nurses even had to tell you all to quiet down out there. You crazy people! I'm just picking in you all. It was worth it.

And here he is this morning after opening his presents. He was secretly looking forward to school because his teacher does something special for their birthdays, be he can't admit that he likes it. She makes everyone form a circle and then the birthday kid has to dance in the middle - with her, the teacher. But what life be without our Tyler? He is the most - sensitive, polite, caring, rough, completely boy - kid ever.

Blue Ribbon Brownie

2009-10-23T12:35:00.002-05:00

MMM, a brownie and ice cream at Applebees.

with chocolate syrup around the edges - can't miss that part.

Keep eating.

Then make sure that you lick every last bite.

Trip to MN

2009-10-23T12:19:00.003-05:00

We spent Thursday in MN at the Mall of America to celebrate Tyler's birthday. We went mini-golfing. This is typical - everyone hitting their ball around at the same time, who would take turns at golf? Hannah hated it. It was 18 holes and by the 3rd hole she starting asking if we were done yet. She usually just threw her ball with her hand at the hole instead of putting it. The rest of the time she laid on her back on the course to be another thing to go around. Mental Note: no more mini-golf for a few years.

But they LOVED Nickelodeon Universe. They rode rides for hours. Even the real roller coasters! Tyler wasn't thrilled but he wouldn't be left behind with mom. And Hannah loved it. She couldn't get enough of the big rides. I stayed on the ground.

However, they did convince me to do the ferris wheel.

I'm secretly scared to death. And my kids kept thinking it was so funny to rock it back and forth to see me panic.

And this was the end of day. Hannah was exhausted, as you can tell.

Hannah's Pictures

2009-10-20T11:58:00.003-05:00

Hannah had my camera. This is her dancing dress.

This is the Packers playing.

This is Buttercup and Shirley.
She has a carebear who has always been called Sunshine Bear. this weekend she changed her name to...Sinned. Yeah. I'm not sure how to explain that one.

My plant.

The floor & baby pictures on the tv stand.

Trick or treating pumpkins everywhere.

And of course, a self-portrait...Joni.

Hannah loves to take pictures!

Birthdays & the Swine Flu

2009-10-20T11:46:00.002-05:00

Tyler's 7th birthday is coming up soon - on Friday - and he had his best friend over on Saturday to play. Then we went to Happy Joe's for supper. I love that Kevin is still is best friend, even though one goes to Medford and one goes to Stetsonville. I loved listening to their conversation while in the van. It makes me feel like he so old - having real conversations!

And then Saturday night...Chloe got sick. With the swine flu.

On Sunday her fever hit 105.4.

She did a lot of laying around, and getting better. Tyler got sick on Sunday. Both woke up Tuesday morning with no fever! Yeah! And so far - Hannah has been fine. I hate the swine flu.

Homecoming

2009-10-12T11:25:00.004-05:00

We went to the Homecoming Parade on Friday afternoon. It is always amazing to me the hundred of people that line Main St. for a 5 minute parade, but I love it. Don't you love this picture of Chloe? I think she's angry to be out in public looking like that. Her instincts must be telling her it just wasn't right. Don't worry, I took the pink hat off.

Being at the parade made me think of past homecomings. When I was in high school, homecoming was my all time favorite week of the year. Making floats, getting out of school all day Friday to decorate, and Saturday was the best. That is when there was band practice at like 8am, the game at 1 and the dance that night. That was the best. Anyway, so I pulled some pictures of our senior year Homecoming. It was fun to go through past albums.

Here we are at the dance. Don't you love Jon's hair!!

We were on the court. We should've won. Oh well.

And the best part - I loved being a football cheerleader. Can you find which one is me?

Rock Band Kids

2009-10-05T11:12:00.003-05:00

Last weekend the kids were Logging Kids. This weekend they were Rock Band Kids. They came upstairs dressed like this. And then they went outside. At least there isn't too much traffic on our road.

They played the drums, a guitar and they sang. Very Loudly. "Yeah, we're the rock band kids. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! We love rock & roll! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!" Maybe they'll write lyrics for songs someday.

Hannah has the most beautiful hair. I'm just kind of at a loss for words on this post. What can you possibly say about this? All I can do is laugh and swear it is all their father's genes. Because we never made our own dancing/singing bands. Nope. Never. Sorry mom.

Wedding time Again!

2009-09-28T11:30:00.002-05:00

We had my cousin Andy's wedding this past weekend. It was fun. Here is a picture of the 4 Poyda grandkids. I think that Bella is funny! She looks angry! Maybe Tyler is pinching her.

Then we took some family pictures. I just couldn't find the best one. At least Jon and I are looking for this one. Hannah only has 1 leg. Chloe looks like she is wondering where the other leg went.

Here I think everyone is trying too hard to say cheese. Because they all have their eyes closed.

This one is at least realistic. It is not uncommon to find me prying Tyler's hands off from Chloe. What I think is too funny is that in every picture, Jon looks the same. He holds strong and steady. And smiles.

But the best part of any wedding on this side of the family - and Hannah's favorite and most anticipated moment - the chocolate fountains. So many things to dip in chocolate and it tastes so good! Hannah was only a little messy. :)

Little Loggers

2009-09-28T11:20:00.002-05:00

Meet the Logging Kids. A Red Logger and a Blue Logger. And their pulp truck. And the skidder.

Yep. That's my kids. On Saturday morning they played "logging work" - for hours. Hannah was the blue logger & Tyler was the red logger. At least they color coordinate! I think Tyler fired Hannah about 5 times. He runs a tight ship.

They fill the wagon with "a load of wood" (toys, whatever they find) and haul it with the "pulp truck" (the tractor). And they dump it all over the yard. And Hannah drives the "skidder" around. I have to say, my kids have an amazing imagination. I wouldn't have it any other way. Because if they were coming to me saying "We're bored" I would never be able to come with playing logging. Gotta love them - especially their fashion sense. Tyler insisted on flannel shirts because that's a loggers uniform.

Where, O Where, Has My Little Toothbrush Gone?

2009-09-23T13:35:00.003-05:00

I suppose that you are wondering what in the world I am talking about. Well, you see a few days ago (well, maybe a few weeks ago but I don't really want to admit that it has been that long) Chloe lost her toothbrush. And now that she is actually getting teeth we wanted to brush them. (as a side note...the girl is getting 7 teeth at one time. It has been a really long week and a half). But anyway, we have searched for this toothbrush, because of course, why would we keep her in the bathroom with her toothbrush??? We have all but given up. And then, Jon happens to accidently find it. It just took some work to get it out of the DRYER LINT TRAP! First he used some fishing pole pieces to lift it up out of a deep hole. See above picture.

Then we used the salad tongs to grab a hold of it and pull it out the rest of the way...

Yummy. Maybe she can use it after breakfast tomorrow.

And there is the fuzzy picture of the golden toothbrush. It has been found. Would anyone else had thought to look in their dryer lint trap for a toothbrush? Because I searched drawers, cupboards, boxes, in things, behind things and it wasn't there. I have no idea when she put it in there. It must have been perfect timing because it had to go in while the lint trap was out. What a crazy kid!

Fun on Wheels

2009-09-22T11:54:00.003-05:00

We had a fun weekend hanging out home. I realized that all of the kids were doing something with wheels. Hannah was roller skating. Don't you love those skates! They are huge on her feet, but she loves them.

This is not the best picture of Tyler, but he was moving too fast before I could run and get my camera. He used some old trim, propped it up on the gas can, and was using it as a car ramp for his matchbox cars.

And Chloe, oh Chloe, she was introduced to a tricycle. She loves it! She can't move it, but she loves to sit on it. Either she moves her body in an attempt to propel it forward or else the other two push her around on it. Some of the girl's attitude is coming out in this picture.

Ouch!

2009-09-14T13:03:00.002-05:00

Do you like Chloe's face? She was walking in the driveway Saturday and tripped on her own feet. She did not use her hands to stop her fall and so she landed face first on the blacktop. Her nose was bleeding a lot and she was screaming. Tyler was outside and he started screaming "Does she need stitches? Is she dying?" He was freaking out more than Chloe was.

But the bleeding stopped. And her nose isn't crooked so must not be broken. But she did get that lovely black & blue line across the bridge of her nose. And some road rash under her nose. And as I was taking her pictures while she ate, it became more about the funny pictures of her eating...

Yummy! Ham for me!

"Am I not too funny?!?!?!"
I'm just thankful that it wasn't more serious. And I'm super thankful that she doesn't have any scheduled pictures coming up anytime soon. Doesn't that always seem the case? The day before pictures is always an apprehensive day.

Moms & Munchkins

2009-09-10T11:10:00.002-05:00

At our church we have a group called Moms & Munchkins (M&Ms). I am on the Leadership Team for it. We had our kickoff this past Thursday and it was awesome! We had 36 moms and almost 40 kids!! WooHoo!! Some of you were there...
But it really is a great time. This year we are doing a study on patience. Patience with kids, husbands, little annoyances, and God's plan for our lives. Who doesn't need more patience in all of those areas??? But it so great to have moms from all backgrounds, all churches together to make friends with other moms! Anyone is welcome and the best part...we have volunteers to watch the kids! So if you were not there, come next time. It is the first Thursday of every month at 9am.

Wedding Time

2009-09-10T10:53:00.002-05:00

This last weekend we had Jon's cousins' wedding on Saturday. It was a fun time. We lasted until 10pm! That's when Hannah had a melt down. Lots of kicking & screaming & crying. Dragging her out of there. All because they brought out food for people to snack on...and she didn't like that food. She doesn't like smoked salmon, meatballs, or cheese & sausage. Well, don't we all lay down on the floor and scream once and awhile??? I do have to give her that the head of the fish was still attached. Although Tyler couldn't eat enough of it...

Here are Hannah, Molly & Megan. "How long do we have to wait until we can dance again?" At one point, Chloe and Tyler were also laying there on their bellys waiting. But I wasn't fast enough at finding my camera. That grand march & stuff just take too long!

They danced and danced and danced. People found it weird that my kids never wore shoes. The shoes laid in a pile on the floor all night. They prefer being bare foot. I wonder...Why do I spend any money on shoes???

I'm not sure if Tracey stole my camera of if Hannah had my camera?

This was the line up for the garter toss. There was one groomsman that came out and on his knees, he was still the tallest one out there. Tyler was already to get it. And then at the last minute 2 more "older guys" came out. They were goofing around, and Tyler was right in there, only he was dead serious about catching it. But he didn't. He was a little upset. Crazy Kid!

Hannah's First Day of School

2009-09-02T12:29:00.003-05:00

Well, Hannah had her first fay of preschool today. And she loved it...and there was no crying - by me or her!! YEAH!! Although, I wish her teacher all the best because she might have her hands full. In preparation of school we were working on her name, address, etc. We never got past the name because...
"Hannah, what is your last name?"
"I don't know"
"What do we say, Hannah...what?
"Bo-Jangles!"
"No, Hannah, your last name. Not a nickname."
"Bananas!"
"No. What is Tyler's last name?
"Kapitz"
"Daddy's? Mommy's? Chloe's"?
"Kapitz"
"Ok, what is YOUR last name?"
"Bo-Jangles"

We have forever scarred the poor girl with her million and one nicknames. She doesn't even know her real name!!! I guess she didn't say her name was Irene Bo-Jangles.

There has to be a back.

Here we are waiting for her to get off the bus. I don't think Chloe could figure out why we stood at the end of the driveway for 30 minutes.

Here comes the bus!!! It took a long time to get here today. I guess she was on the wrong bus, so a different bus brought her home. We thought it was odd that the bus turned around in mom's driveway! I am so glad that I was not aware of that until AFTER she was home.

There is the big girl! One more funny story...When she sat down to eat her lunch she told mom that they said a "funny prayer" in school before their snack. "It was different than we say". So mom was thinking, "hm, a prayer in public school before eating?? Odd." So Hannah shared with us the "funny prayer" before eating...

"Criss-Cross applesauce, put your hands on your knees"

Oh Hannah! What are we going to do with you!

Tyler's First Day of School

2009-09-01T08:39:00.006-05:00

Today was Tyler's first day of school. And I'm not going to cry...today. It's just a new school, new teacher, new friends. And FIRST GRADE!! My baby is too big! And he only went to the bathroom about 4-5 times between 7 &8!

But first a story...last night I realized that I had no tree to take a first day of school picture by. It's tradition! You have to take the first day of school picture by the same tree every year! Who doesn't do that?!??!!? So mom had a great suggestion, which I ran past Jon at 7pm...on the Monday night before school starts...during the Viking game (which he was watching hoping that Favre would break something). I asked him to go to mom & dad's to find a tree, dig it up, bring it home and plant it in our yard so we would have our own tree for the pictures the next morning.

He just looked at me with a blank stare.
You see, he is a crazy person that never took pictures next to a tree year after year after year. He doesn't understand the tradition!

But, he loves me, so he stopped watching the game and went out to find a tree. Which is in the picture above. What a great guy!

Should I tell him that maybe we should move the tree? Because in the background of all of the pictures is the neighbor's house! Nah, he might chase me with the shovel.

Here are all 3 of the kids. Chloe was not happy.

And of course, to keep with tradition, there has to be a back picture. We lost Chloe, she would stay there anymore. (Grandma - did you see that Hannah is wearing her new dress!)

And then there will be tomorrow. When I cry and leave the school with a racing heart. Do they let parents sit in the parking lot all day watching the school? So that your close when your little girl needs you on HER first day of preschool? She isn't really going is she? We'll see tomorrow if I can let go.

Friday Night Football

2009-08-31T11:14:00.003-05:00

We went to the Medford football game on Friday night to check it out. The kids had a great time. However, I spent the entire time with Chloe out of the stands. She didn't like it very much. Next time, we get a sitter for her.

We picked this game to go to because we figured, it's August, it won't be to cold. We were wrong. It was freezing. We left after halftime.

Although Chloe hated the game, she LOVED the band. She went right up to the track and stared. The Raiderettes were right in front of us and they kept laughing at her during their routines. I think she was a distraction.

Then, to Chloe's amazement, they threw their little, round things full of streamers on the ground right in front of her and ran away. It's hard to see in this picture, but Chloe spent the rest of the time trying to get her hand through the fence to steal it. And she kept getting the streamers through, but the actual round things wouldn't come through. I would try to push it back, and she would do it again because I couldn't really get it to throw it far enough back. She actaully laid on the ground, on her belly, to try and squeeze her hand under the fence. I nthe meantime, everyone else is singing the Alma Mater. And the raiderettes were still watching her and trying not to laugh at her. And then the band marched off the field towards her - right up to the fence. She ran the other way. I think the drums in her face were a little too much to handle.

And this is Chloe by the time we got to the end of the school driveway to pull out and go home. Dreaming of one day being a Raiderette and fianlly getting to hold the streamers...Sorry Joni, maybe no color guard girl here, unless they will use streamers too.

2009-08-25T12:52:00.002-05:00

My name is Chloe and I am sweet and innocent. I never do naughty things...

However, I do like to pull out chairs from the table and I think I can climb up on them.

And guess what! I can climb up on them! Why stop here?!

Let's go for the top of the table! And I can go from the floor to the table in about 10 seconds - so I'm fast. And I will do this all day long. Never ending. Until all of the chairs are locked out in the porch where I can't them. I think Grandma might agree with mom on this one. (P.S. - she doesn't normally wear wet clothing, she had just finished "drinking" the milk left in her cereal bowl)

Facial Swelling

2009-08-25T12:43:00.002-05:00

Some of you know this story, but we had to take Tyler back in to Urgent Care on the Thursday after his stitches. His face started swelling. He had been playing with Alex and when I picked him up Taylor was saying that Tyler looked funny. I just kind of said, "Yeah, Yeah, it's the stitches.". Then an hour later we sat down to eat and I looked at him for the first time and went "AAHH! What's wrong with your face!" Ok, maybe I didn't say that out loud, but that is what I thought. Out of the fear that he was infected or having a bad reaction to the stitched I took him right in.

The 2 doctors didn't really agree on what was wrong. So they sent me home with an antibiotic & benadryl. The important thing is that it went away after a day or so and know he's back to normal - well, normal looking anyways. :) But I learned another lesson or 2 - 1. look at your kids more closely - and more often. and 2. When someone else says they look funny, don't ignore them - because Taylor was right and saw it an hour before I did. Sorry Taylor! You were right!

Stitches

2009-08-10T13:28:00.002-05:00

We had the wonderful opportunity to spend Sunday evenings in the emergency room. Tyler was running at Diane's house and he had a crash with Chloe. He was trying to avoid knocking her down and instead tripped on her and crashed head first in to a cabinet. The blood was everywhere. I was told that it is normal for head wounds to bleed a lot. We went in right away. The cut was really deep and he had to have 2 internal stitches and 5 external stitches. It was a nasty cut. But Tyler did great. He asked a million questions and needed to know everything. From sizes and shapes to colors to whether things would tickle, sting, burn, hurt, etc. Fun, Fun, Fun!!!

Bay Beach

2009-08-06T15:18:00.004-05:00

Everyone will have to bear with me. I have 4 new posts for you to read and I did them in backwards time order. So I realized I started with the end. Sorry. But we went on a vacation this past week to the Milwaukee Zoo, Appleton to see the baby and then to Bay Beach to ride some cheap rides. So this first post, is actually the last day of our trip. Oh well.

We stopped at Lambeau Field to show Tyler where the Packers play. He thought that was pretty cool. They were not practicing on Wednesday so we couldn't check that out. Hannah took the picture for us. She didn't want to be in "another picture". (You have to say that with a HUGE sigh as if it were the end of the world.)

Then we went to Bay Beach in Green Bay. It is a great place. The rides are nice and almost all of them are only 25 cents a ride. It was perfect for us. Chloe had her first ride on a merry-go-round. She loved it.

Here are the kids on a plan ride. The rides were perfect for them. Definately worth a quarter.

This ride was their favorite! That is them way up at the top. Tyler could ride alone, but Jon had to ride with Hannah. He was thrilled.

I stood at the bottom and waited for them. I was so sad that Chloe was not allowed on it. I was forced to stay behind. Boo Hoo. I cried. Not really, I was relieved. Secretly estatic. But it was still a fun filled day. If you have never been there, you should check it out. But I am so glad to finally be home!

Seeing Bella

2009-08-06T15:08:00.002-05:00

Even though I may think about it...I would never kick a baby.

I would also never keep poking a baby.

Nope, I love the baby Bella.

Is she in there? I better keep checking every 5 seconds just to make sure.

Yeah! Sweet Baby Bella is in there! We had a great time seeing Bella, Tabby & Andy on Tuesday night. We played at a playgroubd, got Dairy Queen and shook up the house a little bit. The kids loved Bella. Especially Chloe.

Milwaukee Zoo

2009-08-06T15:03:00.003-05:00

The first stop on our vacation was to a hotel in Oshkosh. Chloe hated the pool. She was clinging to Jon for dear life. He didn't have to hold onto her because her grip was so tight that she wasn't moving at all.

We saw a lot of animals at the zoo. Here is the elephant. Hannah is too funny. She told me, "Mom,those elephants need some lotion. They look all dried up." Oh Hannah. Tyler loved the snakes. Hannah liked the giraffes.

And Chloe actually touched a goat! The zoo was fun and the kids loved it.

Taylor County Fair

2009-08-06T14:54:00.002-05:00

We went to the TC Fair on Saturday night to have some fun. Chloe was not too sure what to think of the animals. Good from a distance...but don't touch me. I share the feeling baby!

We had to have some ice cream.

Mom is aliite crazy and took the kids on the ferris wheel. I told her to knock herself out; I was staying nice and put on the ground. Hannah LOVED it, Tyler said it was "ok".

Hannah and her cotton candy. I wish a had a picture of Chloe eating it. She really liked it too.

We ended the night listening to some of Red Higgins playing. Hannah and Ava love to dance and tore up the dance floor.

Prayers for the new Mommy & Baby

2009-07-29T14:27:00.002-05:00

I just wanted to ask all of you blog readers out there to keep Tabby & Isabella in your prayers. The delivery is Tabby's story to tell, which I am sure she will, but it was an emergency c-section in the middle of the night. She started bleeding at home - no labor - and rushed to the hospital. Tabby lost a lot of blood and is pretty weak and has a scary tale to tell. But Isabella is doing great, and Tabby is getting better. She's not in danger or anything - it will just take some time to recover. We all went to bed with no baby and had one by 12:30! When she called to tell me afterwards (at 3:30am) I didn't believe her. All she said was ,"Well, I had the baby". I actually thought that she was walking/talking in her sleep. She was very groggy sounding and I thought she was dreaming that she had the baby and called me in her sleep. I had to say , "What are you talking about?!?!?" a few times. But then she got a short version of the story out. When Tabs called Joni, she actually thought Tabby was telling her a story. Isabella was crying in the background and Joni thought Tabby even had a fake baby crying just to trick her. But Praise the Lord everyone is doing alright. The kids can't wait to go and meet Baby Bumbles/Isabella. Be prepared Tabby - they have all kinds of nicknames for her (Like Baby Bella Butt). I just don't ask anymore. :) Thank you all for keeping them in your prayers - and don't forget about Andy. I'm sure it wasn't easy for him to go through either.

Hannah Has Been Driving Again!

2009-07-24T13:13:00.002-05:00

Hannah was driving her jeep again the other day. She drove straight off the driveway into the ditch (alongside the driveway not the road). She had Tyler help her get out. They found a bungee cord thing and tried to pull her out with the hummer. But the wheels kept spinning so it wasn't working.

She her big brother went down and pulled it out with his big muscles. What a good big brother! But then...

She got back in and just stepped on it without paying any attention and drove straight back into the ditch! When will she ever learn?

Playing in the Rain

2009-07-22T12:32:00.003-05:00

Tuesday evening we got quite a few rain clouds that would pass over and dump a bunch of rain on one side of the house while it was sunny on the other side. It actually rained a lot in total. The kids would run in the house whenever it would start again and finally I told them, let's go play in the rain. So I did something that I have not done in a long, long, long time. I drug the kids out and we ran around the yard in the rain. Singing and dancing and jumping in the puddles. They thought that it was the best time ever.

After a rainfall, Chloe was having lots of fun splashing in the puddles. As you can tell by her little butt, she tended to just sit down in them.

Here she was after Daddy busted her running off again. I love how she just hangs there.

Hummer Racing

2009-07-13T11:27:00.003-05:00

My kids have been super excited to do "Hummer Racing". At Grandma K's they have had the big red hummer for a few years, and recently grandma added to her collection and got a pink Barbie jeep. She finally got a battery for it and the kids were itching to race.

Tyler wore this helmet & sunglasses for about an hour before we even left to go over there Saturday night.

And here is the "girl racer". In her Barbie Jeep and Princess helmet. Go figure, not even looking straight ahead.

And they're off! Hannah don't look behind you! Look where you are going!

She didn't listen. Hannah has got to be the worse driver ever. I am already praying for when she turns 16. She goes as fast as she can, rarely keeps her eyes on the road, frequently takes her hands off the wheel and runs right into things that in her way. When she runs into something she will sit there and step on the "gas" until either the other object moves or someone comes and lifts the front of the jeep to turn her in another direction. Nothing is safe - cars, trees, the other Hummer (they were doing some blocking), weeds, people's toes and not even Chloe. She literally knocked Chloe down was going to keep going right over her if I would not have been right there to save the baby!! So don't ever let Hannah drive you anywhere.

Fifth of July Party

2009-07-06T10:15:00.002-05:00

Mom & Dad had a party on July 5th this year. It was a fun time! It was great to have the afternoon to just relax and hang out. Jon had to work again, so we missed him. But Chloe actually slept more than she was awake so it made it a little easier.

I walked to the other side of the pond and took this picture of everyone just hanging out. Nobody was swimming at this point, but I thought it was cool how there were people everywhere.

The kids were very in to making sand castles & waterfalls. All of the boys were busy with Keegan & Wyatt making a huge one so Hannah decided to make her own. I gotta love Jacob because he came and helped her out. It's a good thing that we had such caring "Security".

At night we had a bon fire and fireworks. Here are Taylor & Hannah singing campfire songs. They tend to be stuck together. We also celebrated Taylor's birthday with a pinata & cake. It was Keegan's birthday too, and he broke the pinata wide open for the kids. Teenage cousins are sooooooo coooooooool to those little boys.

We enjoyed some smores. Tyler was drawn to the fire. Wyatt here is a favorite with the boys. He is a friend of Keegan's from Iowa. I am amazed at how those 2 older boys play with those kids. Wyatt is almost 15 and he was down in the sand with a bunch of kids that he didn't even know without any complaints. Although I'm hearing some stories about stopping in the woods on the 4 wheeler rides...

When we got home Sunday night Hannah just layed down on my bedroom floor and went to sleep. The lights were on, everyone else was moving around and being loud getting ready for bed. Adn there she slept. Chloe was even beating her in the head with a toothbrush. It was the end of a very long weekend.

Fourth of July

2009-07-06T10:05:00.003-05:00

We had a great 4th of July this year! Jon worked this year, but we still had fun. He was able to switch so that he could go to the park with us Saturday night at least. Saturday afternoon the kids & I went to the Perkinstown Parade. They got way too much candy there. After cooking out - just the 5 of us -which we actually really enjoyed just being us for awhile; we headed into the park. This is Chloe's favorite facial expression.

I was afraid that she was going to cry during the fireworks, but she didn't. She just kind of stumbled around, falling over because she was tired, the grass was wet and she couldn't see much. She was very entertaining to watch. But she insisted on carrying that water bottle around.

Here is Hannah with her hands full. Laffy Taffy in one hand and Rice Krispies in the other. I think she had more candy this weekend that in her entire life.

Tyler all curled up in a blanket watching the fireworks. I think he must have asked more than 100 times "When is the Grand Finale?" Although Alex was the best..."Did you see that Grand Finale?!?!?!?!" Nope. we missed it. Maybe you had to be there, but it was pretty funny.

Country Fest 2009

2009-06-26T08:49:00.003-05:00

Jon & I went to Country Fest in Cadott on Thursday night. Jon gets free VIP tickets from work, so it is the best way to go. Free food (good food), free drinks, real bathrooms, and famous people - sometimes. So the kids spent the night at Grandma's and off we went. We sat in traffic to get there at 3:00pm! It took us 2 hours to go the last 3 miles! There were so many people it was unbelievable. We have gone quite a bit, and never have I seen so many people. We cut out at the start of the last encore - and we still didn't get home to bed until almost 3am! And we both had to work at 8:30am so we are dragging just a little bit. But it was a great time.

Ok - a story. While we were eating a group was literally bumping chairs with us. Jon and I were both thinking, this people just don't fit it. What was with the dresses & Paris Hilton sunglasses? And they sat in the row in front us, down a few people and we didn't think much of it, and neither one of us said anything to each other about what we were both thinking. Then I literally bumped into the girls at the bathroom and the sunglasses were off. And I was like AAAHHH!! They were famous people. Well, famous if you watch any ABC soap operas. Which I sometimes watch All My Children on SoapNet, but I still recognized all of them. I got my pciture taken with "Amanda" from AMC, but I didn't get "Robin" "Elisabeth" & some other guy from General Hospital. They literally were right there all night. But , "Amanda" - the girl above - had a boyfriend with her and it drove me insane all night trying to figure who he was. I knew that I had seen him on TV, but I could not figure what where from. And how to go and ask an obviously famous person "Who are you?" Especially after intially talking to him and her. I couldn't bring myself to go back and ask. It was the first thing I looked up online this morning, And now I am kicking myself for not taking his picture! It was Graham from The Bachelor!!!!! I am so mad at myself for that one! I did take some pictures, but they are not to great to post. Graham was my favorite that season. I have to admit, I was a little star struck last night. Over soap stars????? Yep, I guess so.

Anway, the reason we were there. We saw James Otto, and Rodney Atkins. This is Rodney Atkins. We were in row 5, so the seats were awesome. The view was so much better than my camera gives the perception of. I need a new camera! He was actually probably my favorite act.

The closing act was Taylor Swift! It was pretty good, but much more of a whole production than a great show. But it was still good. There were preteen girls EVERYWHERE! It was kind of cute.

Joni told me to let her know if Taylor really swings her hair a lot. So I thought, I'll keep count. Ok, One, two, three...1,000,005...And then I am amazed that her head is still connected to her body. That girl swings her hair a ridiculus number of times! But it was fun to have a night with Jon and see some great shows.

Thank you Lisa & Gary!

2009-06-23T13:34:00.002-05:00

Chloe got a birthday present ordered all the way from Afghanistan! It is a fun toy from Lisa & Gary. She isn't sure about sitting on it, but she likes it.

She's wondering, hey, where did they go? They are suppose to be pushing me around!

She really likes to tip it over and spin the wheels. But thank you so much Lisa & Gary. You didn't have to do that for her, but we really appreciate it. Thanks!!!

Swimming in the Pond

2009-06-23T13:25:00.003-05:00

On Saturday we went to Mom & Dads to cook out and swim in their pond. As you can see, Chloe does not enjoy the water.

So she hung out on the sand. She could sit play there all day.

Hannah has gotten more brave this year. She ventures off from shore quite a bit.

And that is Tyler swimming across the pond. It's ok Joni - he has a life jacket on and I watch him so close when he is going across. They really love that pond. I just hope that it can go back to normal after all of the rain and flooding that happend Sunday night. It is a real mess and not swimmable any time soon. Hopefully mom will post some pictures of that soon.

Holmes Family Reunion

2009-06-17T14:02:00.003-05:00

Last Sunday we had a Holmes family reunion at Grandma Shirley's house. It is kind of a reunion - or a yearly celebration of Great Grandma Holmes' birthday (June 14). It was a fun time.

Here are those boys, locked away in the dog kennel. We needed to put them somewhere! The rule was that you had to let anyone out as soon as they wanted out. Whatever keeps them entertained I guess.

Hannah & Taylor doing the girl stuff. Hannah loves "under-dog" to go really high. I repeatedly told her that it was "under duck" not "under dog". But she insists that she is right because "under duck doesn't make any sense mom". As if "under dog" does????

And I thought this was too funny. When this guy came (I don't even know who he was) Tyler got so excited. He was running around yelling "A cowboy is here! A real cowboy is here!" He truly thought this guy was a cowboy because of his straw hat? It was as close as I could zoom in on the poor, unsuspecting guy.

Happy 1st Birthday!!

2009-06-15T10:08:00.002-05:00

On Saturday we celebrated Chloe's 1st birthday! I can not believe that she is one already! The year has flown by way too fast. We love our little Chloe and thank God for her everyday and for blessing us with just a little sweetheart.

I had to corner her for a picture. She would not stand still so this is the best I could do.

We had a little cook out to celebrate. Here she is with her cake.

Here she is making the traditional mess. However, I think the tradition is suppose to be "the first time they have cake and look at what they do". But, of course it is not the first time Chloe has had cake and ice cream.

This is after everyone had left and I was cleaning up. I found Chloe eating pieces of cake off the floor. What a crazy kid. What would life be without little Clo-boat/Cleo - whatever else nicknames she has been given. And look at the hair on that head. You can see it in a picture! YEAH!!!

Who sleeps Like This?

2009-06-12T12:42:00.002-05:00

Last night I went in to check on the kids after they went to bed and this is how I found Tyler sleeping. Seriously! Who could fall asleep like that? I know everyone has their own thing that helps them fall asleep, but this is a new one. I was trying to think of reasons...Did he have a headache? Did he have to go to the bathroom? Or is he just Tyler? Anyways, I just thought it was kind of funny and thought I would share it.

We're moving in!

2009-06-09T12:27:00.002-05:00

Well, we have moved in to our new house. We actually moved in the last weekend of May, but it has taken some time to where I could actually take a picture. It is still a process of unpacking boxes, but we are getting there. And so far, we love it! I've just included a few pictures of the great room area. It was all that I had clean enough to show everyone. I've been wanting to get pictures of the front, since we painted the front door and the shutters, but it won't stop raining long enough to get out there. Isn't it suppose to be summer?

T-Ball

2009-06-03T10:42:00.002-05:00

Tyler is starting T-Ball this year. On Monday he had his first practice at 5:45 and his first game at 6:15. It was fun & entertaining to watch. I love watching a bunch of 5-8 year olds standing out in the field finding rocks to put in their pockets rather than watching for the ball. They a e suppose to play 7 innings...but it took over an hour to play 3 innings so they called it a game. Tyler is concerned about the fact that they don't keep score. He really needed to know if they were winning or not. The coach told him that everyone is a winner in T-ball. Afterwards Tyler said, "but not everyone is a winner because someone has to have more points". Smart boy.

They started him out in the pitching position. Although, the coach actually pitches. It is just up to Tyler to play the position. It was so funny because the first time he stopped a ball from rolling past him he picked up and started jumping up and down and saying "I got it! I got it!" We were all yelling, "throw it to first base!" And he was like "Huh?". He was so thrilled to have got the ball that he didn't want to give it up. Oh the time it takes to learn a sport. At least he was not alone. I guess when everyone only has 1 30 minute practice right before, what does one expect! I can't wait to see him develop his skills as he figures it out.

One thing that almost all of the kids can do is hit the ball really good. There is a 7 run rule per inning, and I think both teams always got to 7 runs (rather than 3 outs) to end the inning. Because everyone can hit and nobody can field. Here is Tyler practicing his swing before his turn. He is number 25. Isn't he too cute!!!!

And through the fence, that is Tyler waiting for his pitch. He hit the ball very good on both of his turns up to bat. But he never made it home because the innings ended. So every Monday night we will be at T-ball. I'll keep everyone updated on his progress :)

Fishing

2009-05-27T14:50:00.004-05:00

Jon & I both had off on Memorial Day so we took the kids fishing. It was a fun time, although at the end, it was time to go. Hannah only has so much patience.

Chloe & I had fun hanging out and pushing her around and around since she did not want to sit in one spot for too long.

Tyler caught the biggest fish. And the most fish. We caught about 12 in all.

Here is Hannah's only fish. She would cast it out and reel it in, cast it out and reel it in. So it was only in the actual water for about 5 seconds. I was truly afraid that I was going to get a hook in the face if I stood within 5 feet of her "casting".

And here is the prize fish. Yep, this is the one that Jon caught. He thought that if he held it closer to the camera it would look bigger. It didn't work. But he had fun helping the kids, which was the real point of the afternoon. They are blessed to have such a loving daddy!

A present for Grandpa & Grandma

2009-05-22T20:59:00.003-05:00

Tonight I had one of those moments as a parent that I just didn't know what to do. You know how you are making supper, answering the phone, putting a crabby baby down to take a cat nap, and so much more. And the other 2 kids are playing so nice together, and you think, man I wish that they could do that all of the time. But then they are coming inside and one is asking wierd questions, and you think out of the corner of your eye you see the other one taking something out of the fridge, cupbaord, etc.? And by the time you realize what is really going on you have two choices..

1. Yell and scream and ban them to their bedrooms for the rest of their lives

2. Take a picture and move on.

They decided to make their own rhubarb pie as a present for Grandpa & Grandma (who are in Iowa this weekend). They picked their own rhubarb, Tyler saw the recipe on the counter (mom just made a real rhubarb pie this week) and they were coming in and getting the real ingredients. One was the distractor and one was the stealer. They cracked eggs, measured out flour, sugar, salt. Mom, I think I owe you a bottle of vanilla, and a whole container of heavy whipping cream. Then they cut up the rhubarb and put it in the pie. Then they wanted to cook it. It was a diaster. I took some pictures and then made them scrub the deck on their hands and knees because it was such a mess.

Hannah made rhubarb cupcakes. They are brown from a bottle of vanilla in them. MMMM.

And here is Tyler's prize winning rhubarb pie. He thinks it could win first place. What do you think mom? Are you reading this in Iowa and feeling some concern? I'm just thankful that they locked the deck so that Jacks couldn't get up there and try to eat it. That's all I need is a sick dog. So, that was the excitement here tonight. Great times. They are also sleeping in Mom & Dad's bed because they are pretending to be them. Because they miss them so much!! Hurry home mom & dad, there is some delicious pie waiting for you!

A Kindergarten Graduate

2009-05-22T20:43:00.002-05:00

Tyler had his kindergarten graduation on Friday. We crowded into the library at the school to watch the program. The seating was horrible so I did not get any good shots of the program. But he was the cutest firefly.

We are the girls eating cookies and drink juice boxes that were for AFTER the program...before the program. Now, take a good look at Hannah. First, you might notice that I cut her hair. Yep, all by myself. It was scary. But I think that it looks cute. Second, you can kind of see it in this picture, but she woke up this morning with her eye swollen shut. A bug bit her duringt he night and she had a reaction. The benadryl still has not made the swelling go down. But at least she can open her eye now. The poor girl.
Here is Tyler with his teacher, Mrs. Zuelger. He really likes having her for a teacher. She's been good for him too.

This is Tyler with his best friend, Kevin. We hear so much about Kevin, I feel like I've actually met him. Tyler was cruched that he would not be in SESwith Kevin next year. But I talked to Kevin's mom today and they might also be moving into the MAES area, so maybe they might be together after all. I hope so, because I think that would be a huge help for Tyler in adjusting to the changes next year.

And here he is with Braden. They are also good friends.

I just can't believe that my little boy is done with kindergarten. Sometimes all of this growing up stuff is jsut too much to take. I think I need some time to get out baby pictures of him and cry a little bit. Can't they stay little forever?

We Have a Walker

2009-05-22T20:37:00.002-05:00

Well, we officially have a walking baby. She now does more walking than crawling. I guess that makes her not a baby anymore. It is so cute to see her walking around. It is amazing how much more she is walking. She is everywhere! Can you believe that she is almost one! My how time flies.

Joni's Wedding

2009-05-20T21:43:00.002-05:00

Well, last Saturday was Joni & Bob's wedding. And we all made it through. There was some sickness (the poor groom!) but it was still a great time. Tyler missed school Monday & Tuesday as he got sick on Sunday. So hopefully now everyone is good. Anyway, the wedding...I don't have a lot of pictures - it is very difficult to carry a camera around when your whole family is in a wedding. But you can check out her photpgrapher's blog for some more at www.lindseymariephoto.com. And then click on her blog. They are some amazing pictures.

Chloe was in this walker for a long time at the reception. Since the DJ was having some cord issues, we had some time to spare. Chloe just sat back and let peole push her around. Those boys had her all over the place and they were really flying with her. But she loved it.

This is my only picture of me & Jon. Aww.

And here I am with the beautiful bride. It really was a great time. And she agreed to have nachos at the reception - which Jon thought was the best part. I hope that someone out there got a picture of that massive spread of food we put out. I think it was a whole 2nd meal. I only wish that I would have gotten more pictures with other people. It was great to be with almost the whole EC group again. We missed you Eddy! It brought back some great memories that makes me want to dig out old pcitures and remind us all of some good times. Maybe when I get them out of storage....

Happy Marriage Joni & Bob!!!!