Thankful Tree

This is our Thankful tree.  For the past couple of weeks, every day, the kids & I would each write something that we were thankful for and hang it from the tree branches.  It was a great project that we loved doing.  The things ranged from the Packers, to Chloe's imaginary friend Tasha, to heartfelt things like mommy & daddy and Jesus.  And it made a great centerpiece for my table!  I loved talking about what we're thankful for and praising God for those things! 

What am I thankful for? I am thankful for Jesus Christ coming and living a sinless life and then being crucified for my sins so that I might be able come to his Father.  And that he didn't just die on the cross for my sins, but that he was raised and lives today so that I might have a relationship with him.

Am I thankful for other things, like my husband, my kids, my family, my house, etc, etc, etc...?  Of course I am! But without Him, nothing else matters.  Without Him, every other good and perfect thing is nothing. Because "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above..." James 1:17.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

But I'm a Good Person!

What a huge lie that so many of us, including myself, fall for!  I am not trying to call people out, I really am reflecting this on myself.  Saying that I really am a good person is just a rationalization to try and justify my sins.  And one day, I will stand before the Lord and all of those rationalizations will be stripped away and I will have to face who I really am, just like you will.  By the nature of the fall, we are all born evil, wicked people.  If we weren't - we wouldn't need a Savior.  No matter how good of a person I try to be, the truth is that my heart is wicked.  Jeremiah 17:9-10 "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? I the LORD search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds."  My need for my Savior is great.  Anyone who is not in a relationship with Christ Jesus should be scared for their life! Matthew 10:28 "And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul.  Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell".  Fear the Lord people! We all need his saving grace, Romans 3:23 "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God"

My need for my Savior is being revealed to me more and more each day.  There are so many things that run so deep in me.  There are so many things that I cling to make me ok.  Just to name a few... my self-reliance, controlling tendencies, pride, arrogance, my husband, just plain old thinking that I'm a good person - I can do this!  I, mine, myself, me, me and more me!  God has been having me on a slow journey of literally ripping out all of these idols.  But it's so hard because I want to accomplish them, instead of surrendering to letting God accomplish them in me. Romans 7:18-19 "For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh.  For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.  For I do not to the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing."  I'm not just talking about the big, blatant, obvious to the world sins.  I'm talking about what I like to think of as small ones.  All of the ones I listed above point to my rebellion against God.  My disbelief, my unwillingness to trust Him, my characterizations of who He is verses who I am!  He is the potter; I am merely the clay.  Because God is merciful, He is revealing to me how deeply ingrained my sinful nature really is.  How deceitful my heart really is. And I keep trying to fix it, instead of sitting in His grace and letting Him change me.

So shouldn't I be depressed?  Curled up in ball thinking there is no hope?  NO!  That is the reason why Jesus came for me, and for you!  I am a saint and child of God which means all of those sins are covered in His blood! HE is righteous! Romans 3:24-26 "...through the redemption that is Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God's righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he has passed over former sins. It was to show his righteousness at the present time, so that he might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus."  You have to believe in God and you have to repent and turn from your sins if you ever want to change. I have to surrender everything to Him. I rejoice in His free gift that saves my soul from being cast into hell!  I rejoice that He has mercy on me and continues to grow me in so many ways, even though they are so painful! Those blind to who God is, they don't get it.  Their hearts are hard, their minds are closed and their eyes are shut.  I pray desperately for God to have mercy on them by revealing who He is to them!  I am not a good person, and honestly, neither are you.  We all need Jesus our only Savior.  I have him. Do you?

Living by Faith

1 Thessalonians 5:16-24 "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit. Do not despise prophecies, but test everything; hold fast what is good. Abstain from every form of evil. Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit & soul & body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it."

"When I'm living by faith, I will win.  When I'm living by sight, I will lose."

Faith: believing the word of God and acting upon it no matter how I feel because God promises a good result. Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, for the conviction of things not seen (Hebrews 11:1)

I have been feeling a little bit like Abraham in Genesis. God has placed a call on my life.  A call that requires me to put one foot in front of the other every day, when I have no idea where it will take me. A call to have faith in things that are unseen and unknown.  I have no idea where I am going or where I will end up- but I can promise you that I have a future & a hope that will be radiating with God's glory (Jer.29:11).  If I would choose to live by what I can see - I would have little hope.  If I choose to listen to the world around me giving me excuses and rationalizations - I would have little hope.  Rationalizations are Satan's tool to prevent me from being repentant and obedient to God.  If I ever say a "yeah, but..." then I need to take a good, long, hard look at what I'm trying to justify; there is always a spirit of rebellion and sin underneath every "yeah, but..."  If I choose the way of sight - I lose.

When I choose to live by faith I will win.  That does not mean that everything will turn out exactly the way I want, in the timing that I want.  But God will be victorious not only in my life, but over the entire world and every person in it.  Faith allows me to have hope not in the people or things of this earth, but hope in the one, true, Almighty living God who reigns over all.  I have a new assurance of faith and hope.  No matter what, my life will go on because my life is based on living for the glory of God, not any man.  While I am continuing to pray without ceasing in this intense spiritual battle for the soul of the man I love, I will also continue to rejoice, and be gratefully content in where God has placed me in this season of life.  And I have faith that God will bless my obedience by filling me with his peace.  WHAT A SENSE OF FREEDOM!  I am stronger than ever before because "it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me" (Gal.2:20).

And you know what else - are you sitting down?  I can honestly say, while this year has been the hardest of my life - it has been the one I am most grateful for.  Am I happy with the sins being committed against me? Am I happy with the sins I have committed?  NO!  God tells us to hate sin!  But I am grateful that God has granted me - and Jon - the opportunity to have a marriage that before, we were not on the track to ever have.  We were missing out on the amazing gift of marriage the way that God had created it to be.  We would still be sitting in a mess and that would have been horrible.  So I am so glad that God has allowed this to enter into our lives because now, there is an opportunity for me and Jon to have a marriage that is founded on His word and brings Him glory.  And I pray that would be His will to grant us that very thing.  God brought Jon & I together for the purpose of bringing Him glory, and we were not doing that.  He shook us up!  And for that I say "Praise God!"  That does make this easy and that doesn't mean that Jon & I are not meant to be together.  In fact, through the marital covenant before Him, we were created specifically for each other alone.  May God be glorified in our marriage as it is now, and as it is in the future! God is good. God is faithful. God is mighty to save.  Nothing is too hard for Him. "But Jesus looked at them and said, With man this is impossible, but with God, all things are possible"  Matthew 19:26.  All glory be to God. May His glory shine for all to see.

Lessons

This was Tyler's Pic of the Week drawing from last Sunday.  It convicted me to pray harder for my children, especially my son who is really struggling right now.  They are learning something from experience which kills me.  But I also have this sense of peace and confidence that God is so much bigger than this.  Really, they are His kids which He has left in my care for now, which means that He will ultimately provide everything they need to survive each day and live to bring Him glory! They are going to have at an early age an understanding of the presence of God that many do not have yet.  He is working for their good.  If you want to listen to my favorite pastor's sermon about this, listen here: God's 10 Words: Fidelity.  One prayer for my son is that he learning the truth of Proverbs 7:21-23.  This unrepented sin will cost one his life. May he never be that man.

"With much seductive speech she persuades him; 

with her smooth talk she compels him.

All at once he follows her,

as an ox goes to the slaughter,

Or as a stag is caught fast

till an arrow pierces its liver;

as a bird rushes into a snare;

he does not know that it will cost him his life." 

~ Proverbs 7:21-23

Wholly Surrendered

Matthew 14:31 "Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him saying to him, 'O you of little faith, why did you doubt?'"  Why, why, why do I ever doubt?!  God has made promises and is always faithful.  But yet I find myself doubting it when things are overwhelming.  Like Peter, I find myself looking at the waves & the wind around me and then I start to sink.  I am so thankful that God is who He is no matter what I'm thinking or doubting, and he mercifully continues to bring my head back up to gaze upon Him alone who will walk me through it.
My memory verse this week has been Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will  make straight your paths."  This one has been good for me!  Because I don't get any of this.  It makes absolutely no sense to me.  If God is really in control of everything, then why in the world would God let this happen - and only looking to get worse, not better?!  But that's the point - I will never get it because I'm not suppose to!  God is so incredibly in control of everything, that he is working millions of little things all at once, for His glory.  All I can see is the little patch in front of me, I can't see the whole quilt.  But I can rest in that "for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28.  All I have to do is surrender my needing to understand and just trust in Him.  I have to acknowledge that he is completely in  control of everything and then means I will be ok because He will guide me through the valley.  I don't want to fight God's plan - because what He wants will happen anyway.  So I can either be a Jonah...or a Joseph.  God's will and purpose will happen no matter how I choose to respond so why in the world would I want to be on the wrong side of that!? Why bring myself more anxiety & fear?  Instead, I choose to humble myself before my Savior and accept that His ways are best.  I have been humbled that this is so far beyond my marriage.  A friend said something that struck me... my marriage is a casualty in the battle for my husband's soul.  While I desperately want that to not be the case, I get it - this isn't all about me and what I want & think is best.  Jesus didn't come to save my marriage.  Jesus came to save the sinner! Jesus sent His son to die for sinners, like me, to save us from the death and punishment that we deserve.  Through this I have been brought in to God's saving grace, and I pray for nothing less for the man I love.  I rejoice in the truth that I have no control over this.  This is God's work, not mine.  My trust is in something greater than a man, or in a marriage, my trust is in the Father who loves me.  No matter what.
Hearing KH practice for Sunday while I'm here at work is helping move this blog today, so I'll share...

At the cross you beckon me, 

you draw me gently to my knees, 

and I am lost for words, so lost in love,

I'm sweetly broken, wholly surrendered.

Father, keep me broken and humbled before you.  You are what I need.  You are enough.  I am wholly surrendered to your love and I trust you.

Do Not Fear

Blah, it has been a very rough few weeks.  A few ups, but mostly downs.  I've been on a roller coaster and I've gone back to the basics to help keep my focus where it belongs - on God alone.  So I'm back to my favorite "Always True" promises by James MacDonald.  I can't do anything to change my circumstances and that scares me.  I feel like I am at the mercy of someone who doesn't care about me or anyone else.  But that's the lie!  While another's actions & choices DO cause hurt & pain, I am not at their mercy.  We are all under the hand of God whether we choose to believe it or not - and thank God I am on the right side of that hand!  I am under HIS grace & mercy which He has extended to me these weeks while I am so undeserving, as we all are.  But that's the goodness of his gift!  He took the nails for me!  Yeah God! :) 
My memory verse this week is Deuteronomy 31:6 "Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you.  He will not leave you or forsake you."  And there are so many more verses for me to land on...
Exodus 14:13"Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will work for you today"
Psalm 23:4 "Even though I walk thru the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me"
Jeremiah 1:8 "Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you to deliver you"
2 Timothy 1:7 "God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self control"
Hebrews 13:6 "The Lord is my helper, I will not fear, what can man do to me?"
Romans 8:31 "What then shall we sat to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?"

I don't have to be afraid!  I have no idea what is going to happen next.  Sin is abounding all around me and there is nothing I can do to stop it.  I have no idea what the immediate future holds.  But that's ok!  Because I know what the big future holds.  God is on my side, and He is all I need.  I don't have to be scared of anything because in the end, in the place it really matters, I'm on the right side and I will reap the rewards of being a treasured child of God.  God's not going anywhere.  He is fighting my battles and I can trust Him because He is always working for my good.  So while my flesh battles fear, anxiety and control, I have to daily choose to give it up!  By that I mean, not just daily, but sometimes hourly, or minutely (is that a word???).  So this week Pastor James is taking me through dealing with that unknown fear of the future, actually I've spent 2 weeks on this chapter because I really need to fill my heart with God's word & truth about it.  Fear God alone, because He is my refuge, my redeemer, my rock, my salvation, my deliverer, my savior, my everything.  I don't have to fear, I don't have to fight, I don't have to run.  I have to stand in God's presence.  Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God.  I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!"

A Coach!

 Lisa brought home my new baby this past weekend!  I was so excited for it to get here!  When she gave it to me I felt like it was Christmas!  The pretty bag and ribbons.

 It was all wrapped up in a nice bag.  I could smell the newness.  I could hardly contain myself!

There she is!  My brand new, genuine, authentic, first ever Coach handbag! (Lisa informed me it's not a purse, it is a handbag).  I know, a simple joy, but I was excited about it!  I never thought I would own a designer purse.  But thanks to an awesome sister who gets an awesome discount, it was made possible. I can promise you, Hannah & Chloe will not be playing purses with this purse! ... sorry Lisa, I meant handbag.