My memory verse this week has been Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your paths." This one has been good for me! Because I don't get any of this. It makes absolutely no sense to me. If God is really in control of everything, then why in the world would God let this happen - and only looking to get worse, not better?! But that's the point - I will never get it because I'm not suppose to! God is so incredibly in control of everything, that he is working millions of little things all at once, for His glory. All I can see is the little patch in front of me, I can't see the whole quilt. But I can rest in that "for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28. All I have to do is surrender my needing to understand and just trust in Him. I have to acknowledge that he is completely in control of everything and then means I will be ok because He will guide me through the valley. I don't want to fight God's plan - because what He wants will happen anyway. So I can either be a Jonah...or a Joseph. God's will and purpose will happen no matter how I choose to respond so why in the world would I want to be on the wrong side of that!? Why bring myself more anxiety & fear? Instead, I choose to humble myself before my Savior and accept that His ways are best. I have been humbled that this is so far beyond my marriage. A friend said something that struck me... my marriage is a casualty in the battle for my husband's soul. While I desperately want that to not be the case, I get it - this isn't all about me and what I want & think is best. Jesus didn't come to save my marriage. Jesus came to save the sinner! Jesus sent His son to die for sinners, like me, to save us from the death and punishment that we deserve. Through this I have been brought in to God's saving grace, and I pray for nothing less for the man I love. I rejoice in the truth that I have no control over this. This is God's work, not mine. My trust is in something greater than a man, or in a marriage, my trust is in the Father who loves me. No matter what.
Hearing KH practice for Sunday while I'm here at work is helping move this blog today, so I'll share...
At the cross you beckon me,
you draw me gently to my knees,
and I am lost for words, so lost in love,
I'm sweetly broken, wholly surrendered.
Father, keep me broken and humbled before you. You are what I need. You are enough. I am wholly surrendered to your love and I trust you.