Idols and Trials

Isn't it strange, almost cruel, yet amazingly wonderful, how God can take a horrible situation to make me aware of my own sin and idols and then use it for His glory and my good?  I never would have thought that anything good could come from betrayal.  But everyday, I learn that God keeps taking me deeper and deeper into Him and His Word and His truth.  And what greater joy is there than that?!?!  That God is a loving, caring, personal and real God and He is out for my good?!   Every time I think "alright God, you've got me where you must want me...now how about you work on him" - I learn that I am sorely mistaken because I have so much further to go.  Every time I think, "this hurts too much, get me out God" - I learn that God is faithful, and present and will get me through it.  (Maybe I should stop thinking so much!)

What am I learning?  God is mercifully showing me my idols.  We all have idols, and as long as those idols are at the top of the list, we keep God off from the top.  And God did not create and design me to have anything at the top except for Him.  Which means, because he loves me, he is going to bring down my idols.  So what's my idol?  I humbly confess that my idols are my marriage and my husband.  I do not know how to live without either one.  What's wrong with loving your husband beyond words?  What's wrong with wanting my marriage - something so wonderfully designed and created by God himself?  On the surface, nothing is wrong with those.  However, I, like many others, have put them above God.  I look to marriage and Jon to fill holes in me that they are not designed to fill, so it never quite works right.  I have big empty spaces inside that I have tried to stuff them into and it has failed miserably.  And it's not all their fault!  I have been failing to recognize that the only thing that can do it is God!  "You complete me" should never be said to another person.   The only one that can complete me is God.  Marriage and husbands are true blessings from God.  They are to be treasured and cared for and loved - for the purpose of bringing glory to God, not to make myself feel better.

I have been wrestling with God for this control for so long.  How can I give up my idols God?  What if you don't come through for me God?  If I give them up, what do I have left?  These are good, godly requests I am making of you - what's so wrong about that?  And God just keeps waiting for me to tap out.  To finally fully submit to His plan - His plan for my good.  To have faith that He will come through for me, that what I have left is all I need - God Himself!  These are good, godly requests.  And I will continue to bring those requests to Him many times, every day.  But I have to give them up as idols in my life.  And that is so hard, and I know it will take time.  But with God's grace and mercy I will leave them at His feet to take care of.  And I will rejoice in the knowledge that God loves me enough to take me through this fire!  Father, keep me in the trial!  Teach me everything you want me to learn in this trial!

Hebrews 12:5-11

"My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, not be weary when reproved by him.  For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.  It is for discipline that you to endure.  God is treating you as sons.  For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?  If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.  Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them.  Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live?  For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness.  For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it."