I'm Suppose to What?

Luke 6:32-33, 35-36

If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.

This past weekend I went to a marriage conference - which I might add, is a very scary thing to do all by yourself - but I got so much out of it that it was so worth it!  I would highly recommend Gary Thomas' Sacred Marriage - the book & the conference.  In the last session he talked about the above verses and they hit me right in the heart.  It's easy to love the people that love you - because they love you in return.  It doesn't test your faith, patience, strength & perseverance to love those who love you like it does to love those who are your enemies - people that hurt you.  I'm suppose to love them God?  Really?  Do you know what she did?  But God, surely not him, not after this pain!  Yes, Kari - especially them.  My enemies are people that God loves, and God wants to see brought to His saving grace.  And if I am going to ask God to live in me, then I need to show His love to them too.  And He loves the ungrateful and the evil!  How do I do that?  Well, I am learning that with my own strength & determination, it's never going to happen - the pain is too great.  But the great news is that I don't have to do it on my own!  God is my source of strength to do the hardest things of my life - like being open to forgive and love those that have hurt me most.  It's not a switch I can flip, it's a journey and a process that God will carry me through.


The second half of the verse also hit me.  I am suppose to love and expect nothing in return?  I can certainly apply that to my marriage and other relationships, but God spoke to me in a way that I applied it to my relationship with Him!  I know that this trial is teaching me so much.  I am learning and growing in my faith like never before.  I have implemented so many changes with my kids, my deeply rooted and dangerous thought patterns and perceptions are starting to change with the help of my 4 counselors :)  My behaviors and reactions are so much more mature and healthy, I am becoming obedient to the God of my salvation and it is bringing me joy in a way that is not of this world.  BUT, that being said, I am caught in this destructive thought pattern that because I am growing so much - God has to answer my prayer how I want it answered.  I deserve this - look how hard I've worked!  I am entitled to this happiness and wedded bliss!  Yeah, well,  that's not how it works.  God doesn't make deals.  I don't deserve anything.  I am not entitled to one single thing on this earth.  What I do deserve is death for my sins and God sent His son to take the one thing I deserve.  I can never earn, or bargain for God's love or blessings.  I am (we all are) called to love God and expect nothing in return.  That takes real faith!  And for a "doer" like me, that's hard to accept - I want to know I'm doing enough and doing it right.  The good news of it is that I don't have to worry about doing enough good things - because no matter how much I do, that's not what will save me anyway.  So I am continuing to learn and grow on this journey.  I am a sinner saved alone by the saving grace of God and His mercy will get me through each step of the way.  So grab God's hand and do the hard things - love your enemies and expect nothing in return!