To Clear Some Confusion...

There are just a couple of things that I would love to take the opportunity to clear some confusion on, so here we go...also, none of this is meant to offend or "take anyone on", it's just my thoughts.  If I had a personal issue with anyone in particular, I would address it one on one with them.

1. When I write on this blog, my purpose is to share my journey.  I have no bad intentions towards anyone, most of all, not towards my husband.  God has me on an amazing journey and I believe that sharing the truthfulness of my journey and my circumstances are part of the deal!  I by no means pour out my everything in my heart & soul on this blog.  I try to keep it to the things that I am learning and ways that I am growing.  If my thoughts, perceptions, decisions make you roll your eyes, make you think I'm crazy or in denial, or weird you out - that is between you and God, not between you and me.  I'm living on Rev. 12:11 "And they have conquered him by the blood of the lamb and by the WORD OF THEIR TESTIMONY".  This blog reflects my testimony and I am not ashamed of the power of the gospel in my life.  Satan get behind me because I will declare His good work in me for all to hear and see!  What you take from reading it, is up to God.

2. Jon and I are not divorced.  We are not in the process of a divorce, there is no legal separation.  There is absolutely no paperwork that is in the works.  While Jon is choosing to not live in a way that honors our vows, we are very much married, not only in the eyes of legal laws, but most importantly, in the eyes of God.  I do not need "closure".  I don't want closure as the world sees it, I want my husband back and I intend to stay married to him for life, that was my vow and I plan to keep my end of the promise.  While I can not control Jon's choices, or predict what God might have planned, I am 100% seeking His will in my life.  And as long as He has called me to be married to Jon, I will be.  That is my decision that I have made.  I did not make that choice based on feelings, on hurts, on a need to control, on the world's opinions or perceptions or on input from friends & family.  I made that decision based on God's word alone.  I am doing what the Bible asks of me and what God has called me to do.  We don't exist to be happy in life, or to have an easy comfortable life.  We exist to bring glory to God by seeking His will and living to honor His ways, not the ways of the world - no matter what the circumstances.  This has not been an easy decision.  I would say that a large portion of people in my life do not agree with my decision in this, but I made it based on what was right for me, according to God, and I am content in it.  Being a follower of God does not mean I live a happy life, it means I live a life where I am completely dependent on Him and that means out of love for me, He will perfect my faith in Him.  I believe that God is powerful and I have faith that He alone has the power to restore my marriage to be everything He created marriage to be.  He alone can do it because in Him, nothing is impossible.  And if it is His will, nothing will stand in His way.

3. I am not responsible for Jon's choices.  I do not blame myself for anything Jon has chosen to do.  Jon's choices to commit adultery and leave his family are on him alone.  That being said, I do take responsibility for my own sins and areas I needed to turn over to God.  I was depending on Jon to save me from myself and years of hurt and shame that extended to before I even knew Jon.  God has not saved me from a cheating husband, instead, he used a cheating husband to save me from myself!  Praise God!  And if I did not open myself and my heart up to God's saving power in the situation, then I never would have gotten out of it what God intended it for.  What would be the point of going through the pain if I didn't allow for the good to shine through?  That is how God uses what Satan intended for evil to reveal His glory!  Asking God to come in and reveal all my idols and sins to me so that I can allow Him to change me, is not the same thing as blaming it all on myself.  And that life-saving truth is exactly what Jon is running from.  I am a different person.  I am now God's child, I am defined by Him alone.  I am free from the bondage that held me for so many years.  Being freed has allowed me to finally love my husband as God has called me to.  It is finally a true, pure love because it is based on God's love.

So there you go, that's what I wanted to say.  I love my husband, I want my husband back in every since of the word and I believe that the Almighty God will remain faithful to His promises to me in every way.  Go ahead and think I'm crazy if you want, but God IS powerful and I have faith in His power to do miracles.  And Jon coming home would be nothing short of a miracle and there would be no denying that ALL GLORY would be given to God alone.