My Part in God's Story

A few Sundays ago, Pastor Tim asked me to share my testimony & story in front of the Sunday school class.  I prayed about it, and decided to do it.  I debated putting it on here, but after praying about it, I've decided to take the plunge and post here what I shared.  Confessing and proclaiming God's goodness is for his glory. What I wrote in my part of God's story is based on Hebrews 10:23 "Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful."  And with the video, I am waiting for God, I am not waiting for Jon.  And while I'm waiting - I will serve you.  And while I'm waiting - I WILL WORSHIP YOU!  I pray you are blessed. 

God makes a lot of promises.  Just a few are that he promises to always be with us, that he is always working for our good, that nothing can separate us from his love, that he is sovereign and in control, that trials are good for our faith, that he is good, that he is enough, and that he is faithful.  When everything is going smooth in life, it’s easy to hold to our confession of these promises, it’s easy to find joy & hope in God.  Then a trial comes and it becomes more difficult.  Sometimes God’s answers come and it’s just what we prayed for.  It is a miraculous testimony of how were used in God’s story.  But what about when God isn’t answering our prayers how want him to?

 As some of you know, I have had a very trying year.  In August, I learned of my husband’s months of betrayal.  In September, he chose to abandon me and our 3 young children.  I have watched Jon allow Satan to wreck complete havoc in his life, to the point where I no long recognize who he is.  And sometimes I just don’t understand why a good God would let this happen.  When I spend hours on my knees, night after night, pleading and crying out to God to step in and make this right.  To bring my husband home, not only to our family, but home to the feet of Jesus.  When so many other people are praying for the same thing.  Why is his answer – No?  I start to waver because I take my eyes off of my heavenly father.  I start to feel the waves of…what about our kids – I was never meant to be a single mom.  What about our finances – where are we going to live?  What about my future – am I going to be alone of the rest of my life?  How am I suppose to breathe when this pain is so deep, will it ever go away?  This isn’t the deal God!  This wasn’t suppose to be my life!  I look around and all that’s left of everything I’ve known are little pieces that I’m trying to hold together on my own.  Where is God when I need him?  How could this possibly be God’s mercy?  But then God and his promises come back into focus and I stop sinking.  I’m not suppose to hold this together on my own.  When I am weak, he is strong.  It is a rough and painful journey that I am on.  Some days seem impossible to get through.  But God literally picks me up off from the floor and carries me through them.

I’ve had to learn to let control go and ask God to do his good work in me.  To open my heart to his, sometimes not so gentle prompting, to face the idols and sin my own life at a time when that seems so unfair!  To break down walls to believe that he could be faithful when it seems I’m drowning in so much unfaithfulness.  To begin to be truly free.  By God’s grace alone, I am able to stand here today and confess that yes, God is good.  God is faithful to his promises.  His goodness shines through the love and support from so many people here at FBC, and many more beyond these walls.  His goodness shines through the faith of my children which is growing by leaps and bounds.  His goodness shows in that he loves me enough to burn away everything in my life that is not of him.  I look back at myself one year, even 6 months ago, and I realize how far God has brought me in my relationship with him, and I wouldn’t go back for anything.  The deal is that God makes me new, and he has come through.

 I do not know how my part in God’s story will end.  While I pray for it, I do not know if it is God’s will for my marriage to Jon to be restored, or if he will ever repent of his sins and turn to God.  But regardless of the outcome, God’s will, will be done.  And I do know that God is working for my good, that his glory will shine through what Satan intended for evil.  That God is with me and he isn’t letting go.  That by God’s grace I have been redeemed and I have already been made new.  That I am loved and cherished as his child.  That he truly is enough.  While staring into the life I never planned, I hold fast to my confession that God is my only hope; for he who promised is always faithful.