As we are approaching the 2 year mark on events that changed my life and my family's life forever I took some time today to read back some of my posts throughout the last year. I tend to only post after I get through a "lesson" God has been taking me through. Which I think may give a perspective that I am just doing awesome and staying strong. I don't tend to write on here in my weakest moments. And believe me, those times are there, a lot. But I look back and see just how much God is growing me in so many ways! I am in awe at His amazing grace & mercy in this trial. My God loves me enough to mold me more and more in to His image. What a humbling realization.
While God has graciously changed me, there is one thing that while it has changed in how it looks and how it affects my daily life - the core of it remains solid. God has called me to love my husband unconditionally and to wait patiently for the Lord to act while I stand firm for my marriage, not knowing how long it will take. I know that many friends and family do not understand this, and I have had to make the choice between desiring the approval of man or following the leading of my Father. To accept what I can physically see & know or to trust in God
"who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think" (Eph.3:20). I have continued to make the choice to have faith.
"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." "And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him." Hebrews 11:1 & 6
I have no promise from God that my husband will be coming home. But I have faith to believe that God can do it. It doesn't look like it from the outside. And there is the long list of "why would I want that back?". But that's a point - I don't want that back. I want the marriage that God created me & my husband to have. It is not God's will for him to be with anyone else, and that will be dealt with accordingly by Him who judges. God allowed me & my husband to enter into a convent relationship that we will both be held to answer to on judgement day. And no matter what, I firmly stand alongside my God while HE fights this earthly battle. I will not falter because "reality" tells me something different. I know the truth.
The truth is that God came to save the lost. He died for me and He died for my husband. My God, He is pursuing my husband's heart. He is moving on the other side of this mountain in ways that I can't even begin to fathom. I believe it. I really resonated with a website
Rejoice Marriage Ministries. On their home page they have a standers affirmation that I posted around my house to remind me to have faith in the only one that is able - God. Jesus is the answer. Which leads me to a change that has taken place. This is God's work, and it is not mine. My call is to stand for my marriage and to be in constant prayer & fasting for my husband and our marriage.
Have you ever prayed
Ezekiel 36:22-38 for someone that you love who needs Jesus? It has an amazingly powerful experience to get on your knees and pray scripture by personalizing it by inserting names into it. I pray that scripture for myself, my husband and our marriage everyday and I lay on the floor crying my eyes out as the Spirit moves while I pray. You should try it, you will be blessed by it. There are a couple of phrases and a theme that jumps out at me that is throughout the chapter. "
It is not for your sake that I am about to act, but for the sake of my holy name" "I am the Lord" "I will..." (as in God, not me) "
Then they will know that I am the Lord" Obviously these are just excerpts taken from the chapter, so please go read it all. But the point is that God WILL act and he WILL answer and he WILL deliver. But not for me and not necessarily how I think it should look. Not because I want it. Not because my whole list of reasons why my husband should or needs to come home. God will act because He is the Lord and everyone who has been even remotely observant, been touched or involved in this trial - they will know it was the Lord God who acted and there will be absolutely be no other possible explanation. Whether that is an act of bringing my husband to Himself and then home to his family - or whether it is by holding me up on his right hand to stand for His truth in the face of heartbreak and sin. Do you laugh? Roll your eyes? Think, oh Kari, you are going to be so hurt when you figure out the truth? Do you dismiss it? Think I'm crazy? I say think what you want because I know the truth of who my God is and what He can do. And He can be your God too. Whether you join me in my stand or not doesn't matter. Whether Jon runs to his Father or not or whether he ever comes home or not is not the point. I'm standing firm because of God's strength and grace. And just wait and see...one day, you will know - as all the glory goes to Him.
